Like a Queen

Tiny shoulders wrapped in fairest skin.  The lightest wisps of wavy hair.  Clear eyes and rose bud lips flutter and twist with the wonder of excitement.  There are dreams in these hearts and big ideas in these little heads!

I sit day after day watching this beauty of girlhood whirl all around me, and I hope with great confidence that one day these little infant goddesses will find a man like their father who will recognize who they are and treat them like a Queen!

I remember as a teenager feeling so angry and embarrassed when my dad would give my boyfriends that "disapproving" look.  What I didn't fully grasp at the time was this innate sense of protection and desire for your daughter to have "only the best". 

One of my very fondest, most tender moments with my father was in the Salt Lake Temple after I was sealed to Tyler for eternity.  He took both of us in his arms, and with tears in his eyes, told us how proud he was of us that day.  I could sense the difficult surrender of handing my care over to another man, but I could feel even more, his respect for and confidence in this man who just covenanted with God to treat me like a Queen!

While we were dating, Tyler handed me a note in church one day that said, "If you marry me, I will make all of your wildest dreams come true".  It was a funny note, but I knew he really meant it.

We just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary and my sweet husband surprised me with tickets to see Andrea Bocelli in concert!  A dream of mine for 13 years now!  I first heard him sing on a PBS special while I was a nanny in California.  I was 20 years old at the time, and my young adventurous heart was spell bound by the powerful voice of a man who could not see his audience.  The beauty of his performance was not only in his voice, but in his presence.  He is blind, and if you've ever seen him sing, you will know that his disability is a part of what makes him great.  He is not a theatrical performer.  He stands in one place, hands to his sides and simply sings.

Being there in the same space as Andrea Bocelli was exactly the dream I envisioned it to be.  It was an experience, a witnessing of greatness -- something I will never, ever forget.

After the concert, Tyler and I sat in a romantically lit restaurant, surrounded by our fellow concert goers.  There seemed to be a collective reverence and excitement for what we had all just experienced.  I heard a gentleman sitting next to us whisper to his wife, "I hadn't expected to feel the emotion I felt as I heard him sing."

Our perfect evening was punctuated with the most perfectly delicious meal we have ever shared, and I knew, as I looked across the table, that my dad's wishes for his daughter were coming true.  Not just in fancy concerts and fine dining, but in a heart that is willing to give and sacrifice for my happiness.  A heart set on keeping his most sacred promise to love me, protect me, and "make my wildest dreams come true."

Happy Anniversary My Love.

*image*

Flowery & Wise

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am writing a book!  This is huge for me, and scary, and satisfying, and intimidating, and a million other things. 

It has become evident that I am addicted to flowery words.  This is a problem because flowery writing has to be tamed when writing a REAL book.  It might be okay for my own personal journal, or maybe even this little blog, but the printed word, bound and ready for purchase....has to be more grounded.

I am a dreamer!  Just last night I was told that I live with my head in the clouds.  I suppose it is true, but amid all of my "daydreamy-ness", I actually know a thing or two about life.  A thing or two worth sharing, and my hope is that the truth and wisdom I carry in my deepest depths will tame my flowery heart, and what will eventually come out of this work, will be a little piece of me....the perfect blend of rose colored wisdom.

Dream

I am a big believer in finding out what God wants me to make of my life, and then with His help....making it happen.  I've tried to do so for as long as I can remember, however; for most of my life I have lacked the faith and confidence in myself to dream very big. 

We all have a dream.  I have dozens of dreams, and handfuls of things I desire for my life, and I have recently discovered that many of those things God also desires for me.  I have come to the conclusion that my Heavenly Father wants me to use my passion, my story, my experience, and what ever wisdom I have garnered in my nearly 33 years of life to create my own little message to the world.  My desire is to inspire greatness in women....at the very least goodness.  And so I am writing a book.

This book is intended as a gentle reminder to myself, and hopefully every woman who reads it, that you are enough....just as you are!  Sometimes we find ourselves in a panicked and frenzied state of always trying, and never getting to that place of enough.  Or on the other end, we simply give up...no longer trying to be our best.  Either way we are miserable.  The happiest place to be is that place of knowing you are enough, but allowing your hunger and thirst for life, experience and knowledge to propel you forward, always progressing. 

I am excited to share my story and the beauty that I am finally finding in myself, because if there is beauty in me and that beauty is enough....I am certain the same goes for you!

A Life Near The Sea

Howard and Haroldene live near the sea, in a perfectly charming blue house with blue walls, and even a blue hard wood floor.  Surrounded by rose bushes and knick-knacks and walls lined with books and photo albums, you can't help but feel the history and stories that make up their beautiful life together.

 Their faithful companion, Rosie, scurries about under foot and excitedly greets us with heavy panting and rough doggy kisses.  

My girls are in heaven.....and so am I.  

It is our first time meeting this part of our family.  Tyler has told us of their wit and chemistry......how together they make the perfect couple.....the perfect grandparents.  The type who dote on you and make you feel like the most lovable creature in all the world.  Being there in their presence only proved him right.

Emilee collapses in slumber on a nearby chair, completely worn out from our travels and adventures, as the rest of us enjoy a slide show.  You know, with the slide projector and one of those old white screens.  It is absolutely perfect!  Each slide that flashes by paints the picture of grandma's dream.   

To live in a look out tower on a mountain top.  

As the story goes, she took a job in her fifties, for the forest service at a forest fire look out.  She and her dog Maggie lived on the mountain every summer for ten years, and grandpa would visit on the weekends.  Grandma was good at her job, and living a dream made everything magic.  A tiny cabin perched on a cliff, equipped with wood burning stove, the perfect mountain view and dotted with vases full of wild flowers.  It was her home....and she made it her own.  Everything was more beautiful because she had been there.

I smiled, listening to them talk over each other, hastily trying to include every detail, then grandpa would apologize for interrupting and both would sit in silence for a moment waiting for the other to finish the story. They were so proud of their life together and the things they accomplished were important to us, because they were important to them.

Their stories made me cherish my own.  It made me realize that my life is the story I will someday tell my grandchildren and great grandchildren.  

Grandma's health has been failing in the last few years, and as a result Grandpa has taken over all of the household duties.  Watching him take care of his sweetheart was so touching.  It was evident that their years together had forged a love for her in his heart that was real and deep and long suffering.  On the first night we were there I came into the kitchen to dish some dinner up for Tyler.  Grandpa quickly thanked me for "taking care of my guy", reminding me that when we love someone we must serve them.  His example taught me this more than anything he could ever say.

As we backed out of their drive way on a Friday afternoon, the image of them sending us on our way, filled me up completely.  I knew I had been given something valuable.  I had been tutored in love and encouraged by a wisdom greater than my own.  I think I saw more clearly the value of family and how we are all in this together!

Grandma and Grandpa,

I loved sharing a small part of your life near the sea!  Everything about our visit inspired love and restored the magic of adventure in me!  You showed me what it means to be generous and inspired me to take care of everyone and everything around me.  Thank you for all of the gifts you give.

I'll love you forever and ever.

~Michelle

Little Ballerina

I think I have found my new mantra!

"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

*George Eliot*

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't become a dancer?  I love to dance.  When I was a little girl, I used to pretend I was a ballerina. I would move my tiny arms in graceful movements. I would dip and twirl and daintily prance around the house.

Then I grew up, and I used to live for the weekend institute dances! The music was a call I could not ignore and the dance floor was my stage.  No one was watching, and it wasn't about attention.  It was about expression and it felt so good to move, and laugh, and live it up!!
 Now I hesitate to move my body that way and I can't quite figure it out.  I think it might be due to the extra pounds weighing me down.  It could be that I don't feel like myself anymore, and because of the embarrassment I feel for my bigger body, I've allowed areas of my heart and soul to wither away.  Parts that used to make me happy!

There are other things too, like...
Why didn't I ever try out for a play in high school, or stick with violin, or flute or guitar?  Why didn't I ever tell certain boys that I "liked" them?

Why wasn't I more generous, kind, outgoing and adventurous?  What could my life have been like?  What would I be like now?

I've wondered that from time to time.

I can't imagine God placing time limits and expiration dates on His dreams and goals.  Who knows how "old" he was when he created you.....or me.  I'm pretty sure he doesn't place limits on ours either.  That is usually our own doing.

I know this little ballerina is somewhere inside of me, even now.  And when I've found the love inside that doesn't judge my size, shape, age and limitations...

...I hope she'll dance again!

A Good Day

Five years ago today I found myself in my cozy bed in a tiny Orem apartment.  I was tired and didn't feel well.  Lying there in the dark I sensed someone enter my room.  It was Tyler, and he softly whispered for me to get up and get dressed and meet him in the living room!

"Whoa, wait......what time is it?", I thought.  "How did you get into my apartment?"  Everything was a swirl of confusion, sickness, and excitement!  It was a Saturday, and not just any Saturday.  It was General Conference Saturday, and I was excited to sleep in, and lazily lounge around the house listening to words of hope and counsel.

I jumped up and dressed in the dark, tried to comb my hair and met Tyler in the living room!  He seemed nervous and excited.  I couldn't say I was unaware of what was going on.  It was a short time before, that I had finally agreed.  It was time for us to be together forever.  We hurried out to his truck and together we started toward the mountains.  He had a back-pack filled with snacks and had even purchased a radio, so we could listen to the first session of conference together on top of squaw peak.  As I mentioned before, I wasn't feeling well, so it didn't take long before I broke down!  I felt horrible.  I knew he had put a lot of thought into his plan and I knew it would all be wonderful, but I just couldn't do it!  The work of hiking and climbing and straining and sweating was more than I could take considering the nausea and headache.  I sobbed, not because of how I was feeling physically, but because of  how I was feeling inside.  The last thing I wanted to do was ruin this important day.

Together we sat on the side of the trail and he held me while I cried.  We went back to the truck and he drove me home.  I remember he was so sweet and so understanding.  The truth was, it didn't matter where it happened.  After our long and emotional journey to this point, it just felt good to have our focus on eternity.

We watched conference together.  I don't really remember all of the details of the day, but I do remember that sometime after 4:00 p.m. we took a drive up Provo canyon and basked in the beauty of a changing season, both literally and figuratively.  This is my favorite time of year and there is nothing like being surrounded by the warmth of Fall kissed mountains!  I was in heaven!

We arrived at Sundance.  We found a place to pull off the road and together we walked up into the trees.  Tyler was nervous and knelt down in the leaves.  A car pulled up a few yards away disturbing our  peace and he quickly jumped to his feet.  We quietly waited until they drove away.  Again he knelt down and took my hands.  He began to speak his emotional request, when quite unexpectedly a man came bursting through the bushes  just a few feet away!  Again Tyler jumped to his feet!  We were both startled and quite surprised and laughed at the timing of the interruptions.  The whole thing was kind of rushed, because Tyler had to be back by 6:00 p.m. for the Priesthood session.

Finally after much distraction and interruption, he asked me the question......and I said YES!

I know his plans for that day included something a little more beautiful and meaningful than what actually transpired, but there is a spot....a beautiful and sacred spot in the golden trees of Sundance where our lives changed, and the days that have passed from that day to this, have brought us more joy and growth than I could have ever hoped for as I stood in that spot.

Today, my heart is filled and bursting with gratitude for a man who has been willing so often to stop on the side of the trail and hold me while I struggle through our journey together.  He has been willing to make alternate plans......plans that have sometimes been different than the original, but more beautiful than either of us could have ever hoped!                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Mommy Monster

Emilee has entered a new phase.....a phase of perpetual fear.  Her dreams are vivid and haunting.  Some of them have lingered until real world becomes confused with dream world, and there is no convincing her that everything is going to be alright.

Sure there are plenty of things in the real world that could hurt her, but one so little shouldn't be followed around by worry and fright.  It breaks my heart to watch her lay in her bed trying to be brave with her blanket over her head as not to catch a glimpse of the scary monkey in the closet!! 

I can't help but wonder if all of this fear happens to correlate to my new phase.....the scary grumpy mommy phase.  

During the last few weeks I have had moments and even days that cause me to cringe and hang my head in shame.  Where there should be love, patience and warmth, I have shown up with screeching disapproval and reprimands.  I have snapped at the littlest of things.  I have said no, when I should have, and could have said yes and I have created a home of chaos and disorder with my selfish grumpiness!  No wonder my daughter stays awake at night worrying about all of the most frightening things her little imagination can conjure.  How can I expect her to believe my assurances when they are bumped up against my own fears and anxiety?

Last night after I tucked my precious babies into bed, I slipped away to my own bed and looked for comfort and reassurance in the only place I know how.  I prayed for strength and peace to flow into my heart.  I want to lead my daughters by example, and matching temper tantrum with temper tantrum isn't what I was intending.

I found my strength and peace in these words:

"Children rise higher when they are treated with respect.  Use courteous and respectful language when you talk with one another.  We have always had pretty clear expectations in our home about using respectful language.  One day our little granddaughter had been playing with a friend and came home quite upset about something the friend had said.  Her mother asked her what it was.  She responded, "Well, it's such a bad word I can't say it, but it was shut (point upward)!"

A world famous psychologist, Bruno Bettleheim, said at the age of eighty-four, "You can't teach children to be good.  The best you can do for your child is to live a good life yourself.  What a parent knows and believes, the child will lean on."

You don't teach a child not to hit by hitting.  We cannot expect to be respected if we treat others in demeaning ways."

Marjorie Pay Hinkley 

(one of my favorite ladies)

I know moms get grumpy.....I get that!  I know we work hard and tend to whining children and clean up messes all day.  Sometimes it can be wearing and frustrating!  What I am NOT okay with is seeing myself behave as anything but loving. 

I must say I'm relieved I woke up today!  That I am still breathing!  I'm taking it as a good sign that the Lord still trusts me to love these girls and do better today!

And so much more

My Anthropologie catalog arrived in the mail today..........oh glory be!

I am passionately in love with every single item in that blessed store. I know it's not good to covet or long for material possessions, but everything is so frilly and beautiful, and so tempting!

I counted 5 pairs of shoes
5 cardi's
3 blouses (who uses the word blouses anymore?.....I do!)
4 dresses
2 jackets
2 rugs
6 comforter sets
and
1 pair of curtains, that I must have.

And that was only in the catalog.

Anthropologie is delicious, it is feminine, it is unique..............and it is pricey. That is why my passion has to be held in reserve for that future place where I have all the money I could ever dream of. That place does exist.....I know it does. People tell me it is imaginary.......but it can't be. I'm never going to give up hoping, because dreams really do come true. If you don't believe me.....remember this post? These beauties are sitting in my cupboard as we speak!! Oooh, I think I'm going to go pour myself some creamy chocolate milk right now!

Here's to pretty things! clink clink!

*wink*

Good Morning Sunshine

Most mornings Tyler gets out of bed first. When the morning cry sounds from the room across the hall, he's the one to rescue our little ladies from their slumber, and whisk them off for some sweet daddy-daughter time before work, which means I usually get to steal a few more minutes of sleep!

Mornings are not my thing.

Before marrying me, Tyler had grand visions of us arising early, me at the stove, preparing a warm breakfast to send him on his way, my face all aglow with love and the warmth of the rising sun.

Boy, did I ever disappoint.

Most mornings you'll find me tossing in our bed, inwardly screaming...nooooooooo! I can't go on!

It is sad....so very, very sad.

I'll admit I had grand visions too! I've always wanted to be a morning person, but I struggle.

I love the comfort of my comforter. I adore the sweetness of my sheets. I long to linger on my pillow. To go on, or not to go on......that is always the question!

This is just another area where I need to change. Uggg! You know that old adage....early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise? Well, I really don't want to be left out of all that sweet action!! Health? Wealth? Wisdom? Yes please!!!

Oh the price! Can I afford it?

Hmmmmm..........it looks like it's time to stop spending my energy account on late night netflix, because, darn it all........It really is leaving me broke in the morning.

2010 World Cup

If I had an ounce of athletic ability, and had my younger life to do over.......I would be a soccer player without a doubt! Soccer is such an organic sport, it is simple........run like heck, and kick the ball! It doesn't involve a lot of gear or equipment and it leaves the player with a feeling of power and freedom.

As a teenager, my boy crazy side was intrigued by the fact that the players all resembled male super models in shorts and shin guards. That, along with the fancy foot work, attracted me to the sport for somewhat shallow reasons! But my interest has remained, and though dormant, my dream is to run the field with all MY power and freedom.

I saw this video for the 2010 World Cup in Africa today, and felt my old love for soccer wash over me.........just like the good ol' days! It is one of the only sports where competition is on a global level, and every country lives and breaths loyalty for their team. The US is one of the only countries where soccer isn't loved as widely. In some ways it's too bad, perhaps it would bring our country together!!

Anyway, check out the video! My girls and I have been dancing to it all morning!

Courage my Love

Adeline is our apprehensive child. She is a homebody, and when I say homebody I mean she likes to be held tightly against her mother's body, and most of the time nobody else will do.

She ponders daily on many serious subjects, and I like to imagine that she is visualizing all of the great things she will accomplish during her life.

Having a second child has caused me to realize that indeed all children are different. They arrive with different personalities, strengths, and missions to fulfill. I really think that coming to earth was harder for Adeline than it was for Emilee. I try to create a sense of security and safety around her....I desire to instill the confidence she will need to branch out and embrace her purpose here on earth! It is all so wonderful and exciting!

Addy, I love it when daddy brings you to our bed in the mornings. You wiggle and smile as we lay tummy to tummy......mommy and baby. You reach for my face, lay your sweet head on my chest and suck on your tiny thumb. You gaze at me with those beautiful blues and lift me out of my morning slump. I love that about you.

Be strong my sweet Adeline. Life is yours...it is now. Soak it in, wrap your soft little arms around it and take courage my love. All things are possible for you......my beautiful baby girl.

Swifter, Higher, Stronger

Several times in the last two years, I have taken a long long look at the beauty that surrounds me! I feel a great sense of gratitude and peace when I contemplate my life and all that it has become, but there are also moments where I wonder what I have gotten myself into. Let's be honest.....being a mom is hard.

Motherhood is a race that I am winning time and time again. By winning, I don't mean that it is always accomplished gracefully or that it is even how I intend it to be....I mean that at the end of the day, be it long and tiring, or filled with light and happiness, I get to stand on the winner's platform with my hard earned metal proudly resting near my heart. I get to close my eyes and hear the anthem of my home play in the laughter of my children. These kinds of metals are hard earned....they are fought for in the battles of daily life. Motherhood is far more magnificent than we realize.

It is heart breaking and heart building.

Making it through another day of messes, whining, near choking disasters, spills, crying, messes, short naps, teething, sticky fingers, bad dreams, messes, tantrums etc......makes me a winner! We can't hang our heads in shame when we come out of it with our heart's still in tact and our homes still standing. We get to create lives, mold lives.....and sometimes even save lives!

We are hero's.....all of us.

Tomorrow will be another starting line....another stretch....another wait for another chance.....another win.

CraziBeautiful

It's Monday! We had a wonderful weekend full of family and celebration! I'll post more about that soon!

I'm really excited for a new opportunity that I've been given to be a Contributing Editor over at www.crazibeautiful.com! I will be contributing to their "Honoring Womanhood" section.

You can check me out HERE!

The Terrific Twos

Yesterday I thoroughly enjoyed a simple, but beautiful celebration of life. The life of our first born!

There were birthday phone calls, several renditions of "Happy Birthday" and a special magic in the air that filled Emilee with energy and excitement!

The day started with Emmy sitting in the big blue chair, while mommy and daddy sang "Happy Birthday" to our sweet baby girl! She wiggled and giggled through the whole song.

Then mommy prepared a special pancake breakfast in her honor!


Later in the day we worked on a beautiful birthday crown for our beautiful princess Emilee!


She was then treated to her favorite meal.....pizza! She has been asking for pizza on a regular basis lately, so we fulfilled her request and satisfied her cravings.


At the end of the day she wore her birthday crown to family dinner and ran around with her cousins, playing and squealing with happiness. There was the occasional heated fight over toys, but overall excitement to be loved.....excitement for life!


Emilee, you are my sunshine! There is absolutely no darkness that can last when you are around. You fill my life with inexpressible happiness. I love watching you love your baby sister. I enjoy observing your young nurturing heart. It thrills me to no end hearing you scream "dadoo" every time your daddy comes through the door! I am absolutely in love with you....your hugs, kisses, your enthusiasm, your ocassional grouchiness, your big blue eyes.

I thank my Father in Heaven for sharing you with me, and giving me the honored roll of your mother! I look forward to sharing the beauty of this world together for many many years to come!

Happy Birthday Emmy-boo!

Triumphant

Let me share an interesting tidbit of personal information. I have really struggled in my life to do anything hard!

I am certain when I got married back in December of 2005, a self inflicted boundary of difficulty was finally crossed. You see, getting married was a very, very hard step for me! As a little girl and a teenage girl I wasn't aware of my deep lurking fear of marriage. To this day, I'm not entirely sure why I was so afraid of something I really wanted and needed in my life. When Tyler and I were dating, I dreaded the mention of marriage, and it wasn't only with him.....if I dated anyone who seemed interested in marrying me, I would turn ill. Literally.

I would stew and fret, and my stomach would get all tied up in knots. I would have feverish dreams of being married to someone and not be happy about it, and feel trapped and overwhelmed and miserable. I think it came down to trust issues as well as worrying to much about all of the "what if's".

Tyler and I talked about marriage for a long time and to quote myself "I just couldn't do it"!

I was most miserable....loving Tyler and not wanting to lose him, but feeling crippled by my fears and thus stuck in a very sad place.

Not long before I took the plunge, Tyler was talking with his bishop about our predicament. His loving and inspired bishop said that if we know marriage is good and even the right thing for us, we should do it. There are special blessings we receive when we obey this commandment, and then he promised Tyler that someday my fears would go away and would be replaced with love.

Somehow that promise set me free!! Though I was still unsure in many ways, I knew that it was the right thing and I tried so hard to put my trust in the Lord.

On December 17, 2005 with knots in my stomach and a shaky faith, I knelt across the altar in the Salt Lake Temple and made promises to stick with Tyler for eternity!! I was happy....and terrified, but I did it!!!!

Victory!

Victory over my fears. Victory over the nay-sayers. Victory over opposition. Victory over myself!

Now, four years later, my fears of marriage are completely gone and my heart is full of love.

I am teaching myself that hard things are completely possible for me!! I am working on the weakest parts of myself now. Baby steps.

I am a mother now....hard. I am trying to be a good housekeeper.....hard. I am trying not to misjudge people....hard. I am trying to start good habits and get rid of the bad...hard. I am trying not to be so hard on myself....hard.

The point of all this is that I am not so afraid of hard things anymore. I know I can do anything....anything! It feels good.

Brand New Year

The Holidays were great and long and sick and tired! It was so fun to watch Emilee opening her gifts. We watched her climb up the stairs and run into my mom's living room, jump up and down at the sight of all the gifts and Christmas cheer!

I think she felt the magic!

Unfortunately the holidays were full of head colds, sore throats, coughing and achy bodies. We arrived home from our week and a half vacation even more exhausted than when we left.

I am sitting here in the middle of a huge mess, next to Emmy-boo, who keeps going pee-pee in her princess pull-ups! We started potty training today, and I'm not quite sure what I am doing! I'm feeling a little intimidated, I must say. I certainly need to watch the training video again.

I'm excited for the new year!!! I know my cold will pass in the next few days, Emmy will begin using her new potty chair, and I'll get my mess cleaned up.

I have been thinking.....I need a moto for the year, something to motivate and inspire me into action!!! I narrowed it down to two. "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" and "Just Do It". I can't decide between them, so I'm going with "Cleanliness is next to Godliness, so Just Do It!"

This year my home is going to be a haven of peace and cleanliness!! All of those things I always talk about doing, I'm just going to do!! It is going to be awesome! I am so excited! I really want to be a new and better version of my self this year! I want to try things I normally wouldn't have the desire or courage to do! I just know that 2010 is going to rock my world.

So say goodbye to the old lazy, tired, unmotivated Michelle and say hello to the new and improved!!!

I'm off to clean my kitchen!! Talk to you later!

Dear Money

Hello my friend! We have known each other for a long time now. I know there have been times when we haven't seen each other as much as I would have liked. You have many friends, and you are very busy. I realize that! I just wanted to let you know that despite all that, in some way you have always been there for me, and I really, really appreciate that!

I am writing to let you know that Tyler and I are making big plans for our future. There are so many people we would like to help and we would like to invite you to join us if you can!! It's going to be awesome, and it certainly won't be the same without you! I hope to see more of you soon.

Thanks for all you've done for me!

Love,
Michelle

No Place Like Home

I love "The Wizard of Oz"!

Growing up, I would always look forward to the annual television broadcast! I would watch in wonder as Dorthy would brave her way through the storm and dreamily sing of a land beyond the rainbow. The story spoke to my childlike imagination, and no child can deny the awesomeness of stepping out of a black and white world, and into a magical land of color!

Though I enjoyed the story and adventure, I didn't really understand the message of the story!

You see, I have had a certain tendency to live somewhere other than the present. For most of my life, I have either been stuck in the past, or anticipating, and sometimes worrying about the future. This has made it really hard for me to enjoy what is actually, presently, going on in my life. I have always felt like I WOULD be happier if this or that had not happened or I WILL be happier when such and such finally happens. This way of thinking left me grasping for happiness "somewhere over the rainbow" so to speak. Fortunately the last couple of years I have learned some important things about this life:

#1 Life is what we make it! We can create the life we desire by focusing our thoughts and energy on what we want. Not on what we don't want. Life is too short to worry so much!! Just be grateful for what you have in this moment and trust that God will provide. It requires faith and a good attitude, but we can create the life of our dreams!

#2 Life is all about love! I am learning that the entire purpose of everything we do in this life is to teach us how to love. It doesn't seem that way when we look around us and see so much contention, judgement, intolerance and defensiveness. We need to remember that there is only one enemy, and he is the antithesis of love. He seeks to destroy relationships, so don't let him convince you that anyone else is an enemy. Let the grudges go, and don't let yourself be offended so easily. Choose to love everyone around you. If we don't learn this....we have entirely missed the boat.

#3 Life should be a constant demonstration of gratitude! The Lord gives us everything we have! Even if we don't have all we desire, we must acknowledge that all we have comes from him! Show gratitude in the way you speak. In the way you treat yourself and others, and show gratitude in the way you take care of the things you have! We often choose to participate in "complaining relationships". We like to one-up each other on how miserable or unfortunate our lives are, or we simply like the pity we receive when we have a lot to complain about. Every time I have joined in this kind of talk, I have walked away feeling empty and down. I have finally realized that I may be offending my generous Father in Heaven by speaking so negatively about my life. A life that he has clearly blessed me with! I am working really hard to break that habit. I want him to know how much I love him and appreciate every gift he gives.

For the record, I haven't perfected any of these, but the point is, I have realized that what I am looking for is right inside of me! I have the power, because of the atonement, to choose what my experience will be. When weakness rears it's familiar head, I can calmly say....tomorrow will be better. I have the hope that it will be.

In the end, when Dorothy discovers that all she ever wanted was hidden in her ordinary life, she longs to go home to the people who love and cherish her. She finally realizes that happiness isn't found anywhere outside of ourselves. I love the message.....There's no place like home!