I'm back......

.....and I feel like I just woke up from a night of no sleep! I look like it too!  The last month or so has been a whirlwind of emotion, change, experience and growth!  I might be exhausted, but I am exhausted and happy!

Previous to my "Blog Fast", I challenged myself to go for 40 days without any sweets.  During that time, I found I really didn't need chocolate as much as I always thought I did.

Blogs, however; are an entirely different craving for me.  I realize that I crave information, connection, creativity, and good writing!  I love learning about other people's lives, interests, aspirations and accomplishments.  Blogs inspire me!  I have missed them.

In their absence though, I have learned that I have a big problem with balance.  Learning to enjoy all things in moderation is a big deal to me, but right now I am not very good at it.  I have also learned that I tend to go unconscious at times, turning to outside sources to avoid fully living my own life.  I am not fully present in every moment.  I realized this, when I was finding myself spending too much time reading, or watching movies when I couldn't turn to the blogs I usually escape to.  Why would I do this?  I don't know!  I have a beautiful life filled with love and purpose and yet I seem to keep myself at a distance from everything I love.  Hmmm....interesting.

I am learning to be more aware of who I am and how I am spending my time.  I am trying not to judge myself....just observe and notice.  During the last 40 days, a lot of wonderful new things have happened.  My life is headed in a new and exciting direction, and I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for giving me such an abundant and full life!  It's my choice to accept it though.  I think the Lord is offering all of us every good thing we desire.....we just have to ask for it and then make the choice to take it!

I highly recommend sacrificing something you might be holding on to a little too tightly.  Stretch yourself.  Take the time to step back and look at your life and behavior a little more closely.  I promise the Lord will show you the parts that need to be let go of, and the best part, is he will replace those parts with the thing you really want......happiness!

Little Ballerina

I think I have found my new mantra!

"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

*George Eliot*

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't become a dancer?  I love to dance.  When I was a little girl, I used to pretend I was a ballerina. I would move my tiny arms in graceful movements. I would dip and twirl and daintily prance around the house.

Then I grew up, and I used to live for the weekend institute dances! The music was a call I could not ignore and the dance floor was my stage.  No one was watching, and it wasn't about attention.  It was about expression and it felt so good to move, and laugh, and live it up!!
 Now I hesitate to move my body that way and I can't quite figure it out.  I think it might be due to the extra pounds weighing me down.  It could be that I don't feel like myself anymore, and because of the embarrassment I feel for my bigger body, I've allowed areas of my heart and soul to wither away.  Parts that used to make me happy!

There are other things too, like...
Why didn't I ever try out for a play in high school, or stick with violin, or flute or guitar?  Why didn't I ever tell certain boys that I "liked" them?

Why wasn't I more generous, kind, outgoing and adventurous?  What could my life have been like?  What would I be like now?

I've wondered that from time to time.

I can't imagine God placing time limits and expiration dates on His dreams and goals.  Who knows how "old" he was when he created you.....or me.  I'm pretty sure he doesn't place limits on ours either.  That is usually our own doing.

I know this little ballerina is somewhere inside of me, even now.  And when I've found the love inside that doesn't judge my size, shape, age and limitations...

...I hope she'll dance again!

A little something just for you!!

My good friend Heather posted this on her blog today and so I signed up for one of her homemade gifts! I'm excited to see what I will get! I also thought it would be fun to be creative and make something for 5 of my friends too! The way it works is.....the first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll be done this year. That gives me a good five months to get it done!
4. You have no clue what it's going to be. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange (don't worry, I don't think it will be anything too strange).

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! *Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!*

I'm practically a professional now

Here it is.....wedding cake no. 2! This time for the lovely Marnae!

(To see cake no. 1 go here.)

I realize I need to take some cake decorating classes and learn the secrets of the trade, otherwise there is an awful lot of praying and muttering bad words under my breath, as I try to patch holes and cover up cracks.

Probably not the most effective combo.

Marnae loved it though.....and that's all that really matters!

(So thanks for answering my prayers.......and sorry about the bad words!)

Congratulations Rick and Marnae!!

The Fairy Blog-Mother

If you have not heard of Stephanie Nielson that probably means you have not read her blog! If you haven't read her blog that might mean you have not been exposed to the beauty that is available to you as a woman.

About a year and a half ago, I was introduced to The NieNie Dialogues. I was smitten. I felt as though I had found a soul sister, someone who shared the dreamy romantic view of life that I held in my heart and soul. I felt freed. I was inspired. I was moved. To focus on the good, and to create the good. That is what NieNie taught me.

I've decided that blogging is powerful and here's why. It is a record of your thoughts, your dreams, your observations. It causes you to focus on the things you desire and the things you believe. You realize your capacity to love, you observe and feel gratitude for the love you receive. It exposes your complexities and simplicities. When you step back and really think about it, your blog is a portrait of yourself...........whoever you are, whatever you are....it is captured and thrown out as a ray of light in the darkness.

Writing is a creation process, but I am starting to believe that it helps in physical creation as well. When you write about life, you allow yourself to imagine something even greater.....as a result greater things come about. I know it has happened in my life. Perhaps it will in yours too!

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

Henry David Thoreau

The Cake

So my sister emailed me the other day

to tell me she just got the new Cricut Cake!!! If you are familiar with the original Cricut, you know that it does amazing things with vinyl and paper........cutting out shapes, flourishes, images, and millions of fonts. The Cricut Cake is basically the same thing but geared to cake decorating. In a couple of weeks I am heading to her house for a long weekend of rest, relaxation and fun, (Thank you my love) and together we are going to practice cutting things out of fondant and gum paste!!

I recently did the cake for my sister-in-laws wedding (pictured above) I was up late into the night trying to finish it up. I really had no idea what I was doing which is obvious if you look closely, but luckily for me it looked pretty good from a distance! It is kinda risky offering to do a wedding cake when you have no training and not much experience. Fortunately Bethany is really sweet and easy going!! I did find out that cake decorating can be really fun, and an expensive way to express some creativity! *wink

Ole, Ole, Ole

I saw this online today....and I wept. I am a weepy girl, so that is not unusual for me. Elizabeth Gilbert has different beliefs and understandings of god and life, but her words and ideas resonated with something I deeply believe, and have even experienced!

My teenage years were my "writing" years. Actually all of my life I have been writing silly poems and stories, but as a teenager I began to feel the "rumble across the landscape" as Ruth Stone puts it. I have realized that there are words and ideas that have been given to me and I have been so honored to write them and share them with the world....or, rather my small circle of influence.

Creation is always something we do WITH God....regardless of the form in which it comes. There is a burning desire within me to create! I have always wished to be a window to the divinity and love of our Heavenly Father, and I believe that we do this, not only in writing, painting, composing.....but in creating a safe, clean home. We are alight with this divine fire as we prepare meals, and teach lessons. We shine when we support and create confidence in those around us!

It is a beautiful thing. I thank my Heavenly Father for allowing me to work so closely with Him....for allowing me to create!

Swifter, Higher, Stronger

Several times in the last two years, I have taken a long long look at the beauty that surrounds me! I feel a great sense of gratitude and peace when I contemplate my life and all that it has become, but there are also moments where I wonder what I have gotten myself into. Let's be honest.....being a mom is hard.

Motherhood is a race that I am winning time and time again. By winning, I don't mean that it is always accomplished gracefully or that it is even how I intend it to be....I mean that at the end of the day, be it long and tiring, or filled with light and happiness, I get to stand on the winner's platform with my hard earned metal proudly resting near my heart. I get to close my eyes and hear the anthem of my home play in the laughter of my children. These kinds of metals are hard earned....they are fought for in the battles of daily life. Motherhood is far more magnificent than we realize.

It is heart breaking and heart building.

Making it through another day of messes, whining, near choking disasters, spills, crying, messes, short naps, teething, sticky fingers, bad dreams, messes, tantrums etc......makes me a winner! We can't hang our heads in shame when we come out of it with our heart's still in tact and our homes still standing. We get to create lives, mold lives.....and sometimes even save lives!

We are hero's.....all of us.

Tomorrow will be another starting line....another stretch....another wait for another chance.....another win.

CraziBeautiful

It's Monday! We had a wonderful weekend full of family and celebration! I'll post more about that soon!

I'm really excited for a new opportunity that I've been given to be a Contributing Editor over at www.crazibeautiful.com! I will be contributing to their "Honoring Womanhood" section.

You can check me out HERE!

Announcement

I have a food blog!!! Anyone who knows me well, or maybe not even that well, will know that I LOVE food! I love talking about food, making food, watching other people make food, and most of all eating food!!

So come join me on my New Blog, and I'll try to share some of my favorite food from time to time!

See you there!

My Space

In my brain resides a space, sweet, charming and all mine. In colors of ivory and blush with all of the perfect feminine touches! Kind of like Kathleen Kelly's apartment on "You've Got Mail". It will be light and airy, yet cozy, comfortable and inviting.

In this space is a desk. A beautiful desk where I create! I read and write and record all of my fabulous ideas and projects to beautify my life and my home. There on my desk sits a perfectly beautiful desk calender and it looks exactly like the one pictured above! Isn't it sweet?

To buy one of your very own go here!

Brand New Year

The Holidays were great and long and sick and tired! It was so fun to watch Emilee opening her gifts. We watched her climb up the stairs and run into my mom's living room, jump up and down at the sight of all the gifts and Christmas cheer!

I think she felt the magic!

Unfortunately the holidays were full of head colds, sore throats, coughing and achy bodies. We arrived home from our week and a half vacation even more exhausted than when we left.

I am sitting here in the middle of a huge mess, next to Emmy-boo, who keeps going pee-pee in her princess pull-ups! We started potty training today, and I'm not quite sure what I am doing! I'm feeling a little intimidated, I must say. I certainly need to watch the training video again.

I'm excited for the new year!!! I know my cold will pass in the next few days, Emmy will begin using her new potty chair, and I'll get my mess cleaned up.

I have been thinking.....I need a moto for the year, something to motivate and inspire me into action!!! I narrowed it down to two. "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" and "Just Do It". I can't decide between them, so I'm going with "Cleanliness is next to Godliness, so Just Do It!"

This year my home is going to be a haven of peace and cleanliness!! All of those things I always talk about doing, I'm just going to do!! It is going to be awesome! I am so excited! I really want to be a new and better version of my self this year! I want to try things I normally wouldn't have the desire or courage to do! I just know that 2010 is going to rock my world.

So say goodbye to the old lazy, tired, unmotivated Michelle and say hello to the new and improved!!!

I'm off to clean my kitchen!! Talk to you later!

Magic

I don't know if I really believe in magic. At least not the abra-cadabra kind of magic. I do, however; believe that there is something magical about life. The creating of it and the living of it!

I had an enchanted childhood, due in major part to my huge imagination! There wasn't anything I couldn't create in my mind. Hours of adventure were invented and acted out day after day and I am SO grateful that I was allowed to enjoy the precious years of childhood. I still remember the day I realized that it was time to grow up. Somewhere in my heart, I knew it was no longer appropriate to pretend. How sad. Why is that? Why do we become too old to pretend? Is it because we start to reach an age where we have more power to REALLY create? We have the ability to use our creative power to manifest the actual life we desire! We do have that power you know. Our Heavenly Father has allowed us, through faith and agency, to create the life we desire. How exciting!

I have co-created a warm home, two beautiful children, and a strong, loving, meaningful marriage!

As I step back and take a good look at my life now.....I can still feel the magic!