This one goes out to the ones I love

I have two great loves (in the photo above),

One great lover (wink),

and roughly 3.58 billion little loves.  

By little loves, I am of course referring to all of those little things that make my life sparkle and cause my heart to swell and burst.

There are far too many to list in a letter to Santa, or even write in a gratitude journal!  I couldn't even begin to shout them from the rooftops, or sing them in an anthem of favorite things.

Life is brimming with love.  Things, people, experiences, places.  God knows how to show me love.  He is the teacher of eternal love, and the giver of every good gift.

I like to picture him smiling down on me as I savor the things that bring me warmth and offer me peace.  I'm sure he is there when I pull my favorite sweater over my head and around my shoulders.  A wool embrace intended to comfort me in my moments of bitter cold.  

I can sense him there as I walk down the quiet roads of my desert home, my eyes lit up by morning sun, my cheeks touched pink by the fading chill.  I am alive and I know my life is due to his undying need to create life and encourage life.  He eagerly seeks to teach me and then send me down the paths of my greatest purpose.

I know he waits patiently as I interact with my many, many loves.  He waits as I lose my patience, my trust, my passion and then he waits as I work to rekindle them over and over again.

I have found when it comes to love, it is difficult for me not to love God above all other things, because, after all, he is the one who makes it possible to love everything else.

From Our Home...With Love

Watch Adeline's eyes in the following photos.

too cute!

Here's to a magical & meaningful Christmas!

Baby Adeline

Ever since Addy was born, she has been referred to in our home as "baby Adeline", but recently she has started to protest saying..."I not a baby, I a big girl".  And it's true, she is a big girl.  

She follows Emilee around night and day, skipping, dancing, pretending and daydreaming - keeping up with all of the activity just as any "big girl" would.  I love to see the changes and the growth, but I begin to feel panicky, wondering if I will always remember the tiny squeaky voice and the petite-ness of her frame.  Has my heart fully captured the depth of her softness and sweetness?  I hope so, because someday when she is all grown up, stressing about life, money and love, I will need the reminder of these days when her greatest struggles could be cured with fruit snacks and squeeze hugs and a story with mommy on the couch.

Cinderella Goes to the Ball

A few weeks ago my darling sisters-in-law asked me if I would be willing to help them with decorations for their school dance!  We live in a small speck of a town, with little to no budget for things like this.  The dances are held in the small fire station and making it beautiful is kind of a challenge (a major challenge), but of course I was willing, and on the night of the dance we popped in for a peek at the fun!

I told Emilee that she could wear her Cinderella dress to the dance, but that we were only going to stay for a few minutes.  She didn't care that the time was short, both she and Adeline soaked up the magic, and like any princess at the Ball....they danced the night away.

Our few minutes turned into close to an hour, and I'm sure the high school kids were wondering why a couple of tiny tots were crashing the party.  But before long the clock struck bedtime and the magic faded as two sleeping beauties were escorted home in their royal carriage!

And luckily for us....they slept happily ever after!

Charming Babies

While we were driving the streets of Coos Bay and North Bend last week, we saw the cutest little house for sale!  I gasped, and told Tyler "we just had to buy it".  He said something like, "Well I guess we could walk up to the door and show them our charming babies"  to which I replied, "Who wouldn't want to sell their home to someone with charming babies? It will be ours for sure!"

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Adeline swinging at her birthday pinata

This morning I held Adeline in my arms and looked into her bright eyes. They beamed up at me and without warning she planted a perfect little kiss right on my lips. We hugged and smiled at each other. I told her it was her birthday, that one year ago today she entered the world and expanded my heart. I thanked her for being a part of my life!

Emmy and I sang her a rousing "Happy Birthday", and she smiled.

I love this tiny girl. I love her voice, her laugh, and her warm and generous heart!! She is so amazingly affectionate. She cuddles and hugs and kisses all on her own accord. It is absolutely heart melting. Is there any more perfect gift than the love of a chubby cheeked baby?!!

Adeline, your sunshine warms me through and through! My lips are worn thin from the accumulated hours of kissing your glorious cheeks. I adore you, and am inspired by your sense of discovery and your determination to climb higher and higher!!

You don't speak much yet, but I sense in you a contentment that you didn't have in your early months. I do believe that you are fully embracing your new adventurous life. I know you feel, safe and loved. I can feel it when I hold you.

Today, the rest of the world goes on as usual, but I will quietly celebrate your perfect little life and all you are becoming!!! Being your mother is a dream come true!

I love you tiny!

True Love

Every year here on the ranch we experience what I'm going to call "moth season". The timing seems to be different each year, unless I'm just forgetting what time it occurred last year, which could definitely be the case. The moths work their way into our home by any means possible: cracked window, open door, vents, maybe even waiting in your hair and clothes to be smuggled indoors.....who really knows? All I know is that they get in, and they drive me crazy. They leave their red (yes I said red) droppings on everything! Walls, lamp shades, drapes, and now, just now I noticed a big splat on my white teapot! Not only that, but they dive at your head and flutter in your face. They hide in the toaster and come flying out at you as soon as it starts to heat up. They hide in the cupboards in between your dishes and die, then you get to be disgusted as you pull out a plate for lunch and find a dried up moth looking up at you with its wee beady eyes!

All of this brings me to something else. Adeline!

Adeline is the opposite of those moths, she is adorable, sweet, and though she does enjoy diving at my head and fluttering in my face, I love it and welcome it (most of the time)! As I type this she is crawling around the kitchen torturing the moths on the floor and trying to eat any dead ones she finds under the kitchen table (Nasty). Go Addy!

My youngest child, my baby girl, is almost out of the baby stage. A couple of nights ago Tyler and I watched some video taken not too long ago and the changes were obvious! She is growing like the ragweed around our house. Yesterday she walked, unassisted from the couch to the chair where Tyler was sitting. We cheered and celebrated! This led to several more attempts and stumbles, which led to Emilee walking and falling and stumbling.....trying to be like baby and get in on some of the attention!!

For about the first six months of Addy's life she was a total and complete "mama's girl" she was my shadow, my sidekick. She wasn't interested in anyone else......including her daddy! Emilee had always loved her "dadoo", and so I assumed that Addy would too. It kind of concerned me that they weren't bonding. She would scream under his care and insist that I and only I be the one to soothe her troubled heart.

Seasons change though, and as she has grown into a more secure and comfortable version of herself, she has also developed a bad case of the daddy crush! This girl adores her daddy! If Tyler is around, you will most likely find Adeline snuggled against his chest, offering her sweet baby kisses and gazing into his dreamy blue eyes. The way she looks at him tells you, she's got it bad.

I'm pretty sure he's got it too!

Someone to miss

I am a dreamer. A planner and dreamer.

I love to imagine weekends filled with beautiful places, delicious food, shopping for pretty things, soaking in tubs filled with bubbly water, good entertainment, and of course lots of love.....pure passionate love!

This weekend my plans and dreams became reality, as Tyler and I dropped our girls off (one with each grandma), and headed to Park City for a beautiful weekend together! We enjoyed the leisurely days surrounded by pine covered mountain tops and large piles of clouds. It was perfect and beautiful, but the entire time an ache lingered in the midst of our bliss.

Our babies, our girls. We missed them terribly. We wondered about them and checked in from time to time to make sure they were happy and on their best behavior. We talked about them and wondered what they might be doing and whether or not they even noticed our absence.

It felt so good to getaway and focus on just the two of us, but it felt equally good to know there were two bright lights awaiting and expecting our return. Going away is good, but even better is having someone to miss while you're gone!

In the tops of the mountains

This weekend we had our 1st annual Iverson reunion......... and I loved it!

I'll admit that I was not really excited to go, because the days leading up to it were filled with sickness in our home....and along with sickness comes crankiness and exhaustion. Not exactly the makings for a good time in the outdoors if you ask me. Luckily the sickness went away and as soon as we headed up the twisty road to our campsite......I was so glad I was there!

We camped near Puffer Lake on Beaver Mountain and it was beautiful! We played games, sat around campfires, some fished, some hiked and nearly everyone got soaked. It rained quite a lot which chased us into a large huddle under the tarp to wait out the down pours. It was so nice though....being out of the heat. I really couldn't complain, that is until my nights were rudely disrupted by Adeline's night terrors, or sleep screaming, or I'm trying to make this experience miserable for my mommy tantrums.....or whatever you want to call them. You could safely say....she "wasn't a happy camper".....at least not during the cold damp nights.

Poor girl.

This was her very first time camping and I think she quickly got annoyed at not being able to crawl in the mud and jump in the puddles like the bigger kids. Maybe next year chica! In all honesty though, she was a trooper!

Of course Emilee capital L.O.V.E.D-ed it! She rolled in mud, ran up and down...up and down....up and down. Washed her hands in the creek. Played with cousins, and aunts, and uncles. Gave mommy heart attacks every time she stumbled around the fire pit. She screamed into the vast expanse of creation with her loud/squeaky voice and basically lived it up in every possible two-year-old-I'm-running-free-in-the-mountains kind of way!

I would say her shining moments included her outdoor potty chair photo shoot and her performance on Sunday morning during our devotional. As we sang our closing hymn "I Stand All Amazed", she moved to the middle of the circle and entertained us with an interpretive dance routine. When the hymn was finally finished she let out a long dreamy sigh and then proclaimed...."that was a good song!"

I loved spending time with everyone! My husband comes from an amazing family! They are all so loving and accepting of one another and it is always a joy to be in their company!

I'm already looking forward to the 2nd annual Iverson reunion! Unless of course I'm pregnant with twins by then.....which may be the case considering two of my sisters-in-law have notified me on separate occasions that they had dreams that I was pregnant with twins.....yikes!

As of today.......not pregnant with twins.......not pregnant at all (just to clear that up)! I'll keep you posted with any new developments on that one!

For now.....here's to sleeping in my own bed and 10 thousand loads of smokey laundry! Better get to work!

Snapshot

I love it when a photo captures the essence of life. It holds a place and picture of the goings on of the season. It sums things up perfectly!! This photo does that.

Activities abundant in the Iverson household lately include:

• Swimming in the kiddie pool out on the lawn. (Thank you Amber)
• Lots and lots of stories.
• Disney movies galore.
• Youtube videos for children.
• Making messes.
• Playing with toys.
• Snuggling in blankets.
• And of course basking in the light of these two adorable faces!

(Pretty much the only thing missing is an otter pop in someones hand.)

As you can see, life is good.

Change

A lot of great things have happened in our family this month!

Adeline cut her first tooth on Mother's Day.

I have my first potty trained child! Congratulations Emilee!

I ran a whole mile from start to finish for the first time in my life! I was always that girl in P.E. class who dreaded the day we ran the mile. Oh boy did I dread that day. I have always hated running. The whole gasping for every breath and feeling like your head is going to explode just didn't excite me. As a result, I never pushed myself to get better at it.....until now.

Tyler gave me my first "break" since Addy was born. I spent the weekend with my sister! It was a very much appreciated gift. Thank you my love.

Adeline has started to pull herself into a standing position and started to speak that beautiful baby jibber jabber so fluently!

Things in life seem to change so fast. I saw this photo of Emilee this weekend, and my heart ached. Baby Em has quickly been replaced by a big girl. I feel like time is speeding up and I need it to slow down. I know I'm not soaking everything in fast enough.

Where has the sun gone?

Remember the good ol' days when spring used to come and stay for a while before summer made it's grand entrance and the sidewalks got too hot to walk on with bare feet? Remember those days?

Right now otter pops are just chillin' in the freezer waiting for a hot day so they can come out and refresh us with their sweet goodness. But, it seems the cold and snow are not going down without a fight. Just when you think they are down for the count, they throw out a limp arm and wave off the whistle.

What? No! Not again.......give up already! Geesh!

We've been waiting for a good day, so we can go out and plant our garden and do some yard work without blowing away in the process!

Hmmmm. Maybe tomorrow.

Million x Million

Every day I tell my girls I love them a million x a million, which, come on......that's a million million. Is it even possible to love more than that?

I think not.

Courage my Love

Adeline is our apprehensive child. She is a homebody, and when I say homebody I mean she likes to be held tightly against her mother's body, and most of the time nobody else will do.

She ponders daily on many serious subjects, and I like to imagine that she is visualizing all of the great things she will accomplish during her life.

Having a second child has caused me to realize that indeed all children are different. They arrive with different personalities, strengths, and missions to fulfill. I really think that coming to earth was harder for Adeline than it was for Emilee. I try to create a sense of security and safety around her....I desire to instill the confidence she will need to branch out and embrace her purpose here on earth! It is all so wonderful and exciting!

Addy, I love it when daddy brings you to our bed in the mornings. You wiggle and smile as we lay tummy to tummy......mommy and baby. You reach for my face, lay your sweet head on my chest and suck on your tiny thumb. You gaze at me with those beautiful blues and lift me out of my morning slump. I love that about you.

Be strong my sweet Adeline. Life is yours...it is now. Soak it in, wrap your soft little arms around it and take courage my love. All things are possible for you......my beautiful baby girl.

Marshmallow Cheeks

Please excuse the blurriness of this photo, and instead, focus on those ooey gooey marshmallow cheeks!

My lips get completely warn out by the end of the day, what with all the nibbling and nuzzling!

Addy Mae....you have the most delicious cheeks in all the land! And they're MINE....all MINE!!

What would I do without You?

This last week has been hard for me. So HARD. I was going along just fine when all at once I stumbled upon THIS BLOG and began living my worst fear! This makes it sound like I ran into a horrible blog.....but that is not so. This blog is beautiful, and inspiring, but unfortunately, about a family who lost their sweet little daughter a couple of years ago. She was the exact age Emilee is now when they lost her. She was taken so unexpectedly on a beautiful spring day, when she choked on an apple of all things!

As I read the story, and followed their journey of healing and survival, something happened to my heart! It broke into a million gazillion little pieces. I have never been through anything like this! I felt as though I was reading about the loss of my own two year old daughter. So many things about little Lucy echoed the personality and traits of Emilee. Her love of dancing, her energy, her light, her golden locks, and big eyes.

I was haunted.

Since the day of Emilee's birth, I have worried about losing her, and now Adeline as well. I sometimes think my concerns are a little on the unhealthy side, and I have really tried to put my trust in the Lord, and turn my fear into faith. It is something I have no control over......and yet I worry!

All week I was in mourning....mourning the "what if". Seeing Emilee playing and going about her day felt like nothing more than memories going through my mind. I would bawl and miss her.....even though she was right there in my arms. I told you it was weird! I seriously don't know what was going on.....I was completely miserable.

I thought to myself, "This is ridiculous! Stop worrying about things that haven't even happened!! Stop grieving the loss of a child who is alive and well for heaven's sake! I seriously wonder if I would make it through something like that! When you love a child with your whole soul, and every cell of your body, your heart, and your energy have been invested in them.....how do you possibly go on?

Wow! I hope you all don't think I've gone crazy......unless I really have, which in that case....notify the authorities and get me some help!!!

I really think what I went through last week was a combination of hormones, and a release of pent up emotion and negative energy I really needed to get out of my system!! It was a very strange and emotional ride for me. In the end it made me so grateful for my reality. My girls are very much alive!! They are healthy and there is really no room for fear.....not here!

Who knows what I may be required to face and endure! The Lord knows....and that is good enough for me. I know He will help me through all things.

Vic Jackson, who is Lucy's father, said (and I am paraphrasing) that when we face our worst fear we may find that our fears were unfounded. It's often not the fear of loss, but more a fear of whether or not we can survive that loss. Once you are in the midst of loss, you find that even though your pain is thick and real...it will someday fade, and you WILL survive!

I have the utmost respect and reverence for any parent who has lost a child, including my in-laws who lost a daughter at just 18 months old. My feelings are VERY tender when it comes to this subject (obviously), and the moral to my week of self inflicted sadness is......love each other....do it fully and unconditionally....and do it now......right now is all we are guaranteed, so don't waste it!

To Emilee and Adeline

Love,
Mommy

I saw this video on Design Mom and thought it was beautiful!

Me and Adeline...

...We are pretty much friends by now! In case you were wondering, I've totally got her back!

P.S. I changed the photo on my "Triumphant" post to a photo of our wedding day (a little more applicable, don't you think).

I thought I would keep this darling one of Adeline up though. She is so darn adorable!

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

So one night last week Adeline just would not give up! She screamed, and wailed and cried, and screeched, and practically hyperventilated for hours and hours into the night!!

Oh my golly goodness!

Tyler and I couldn't figure out what the issue was. Was something poking her? Not that we could tell! Was she hungry? I tried feeding her several times. Was she afraid? Sick? Argggh!! Who knows?

Blessings were given, silent prayers offered, infant Tylenol administered and still the hollering continued!

Finally around two in the a.m. I bewilderingly pulled my tiny girl out of her bassinet, and wrapped her in my arms!

"Mommy is here", I whispered. "I don't know what to do for you my darling. What do you need? Mommy and daddy need sleep and so do you! Please just give in.....please."

Between shudders of exhaustion that only hours of emotional outburst can generate, she latched on and began to feed. I held her with all of the love in my heart. I felt so tired. Tired of being tired. I hoped that my love would soak into her skin and heal whatever part of her was needing my attention. I prayed for peaceful sleep to finally carry her away. And it did.

Thank you Lord, for answering my prayers.

Sweet Adeline

I love being mother to a small baby, more specifically this small baby!

She is a complex combination of easy going and high maintenance. She often sports an expression mistaken for a scowl, but deep down inside...I know she is happy! (Mothers just know these things.)

When her smile is finally exposed, it is the most pleasant surprise! Sweetness is discovered in a offering of cheeks and drool! Sparkling eyes, and chubby fists pumping with happiness!

She is kind of a mama's girl, which is nice until I need to turn my attention elsewhere. That's when the drama starts! Oh...the drama!

Yes we have some strong willed little ladies in the house! It's awesome and amazing...sometimes overwhelming, and always exciting!