For the Birds

Photo with Grandma five years ago on my wedding day

I stood in a hospital room, dimly lit, quiet, warmed with the love of family. 

We drove varying distances to be there, each of us pushing our way swiftly down the road, trying to beat the inevitable last breath of a life we have all cherished, some of us not realizing how deeply until this very moment.

Just days before, I stood in another room..... her living room.  Hovering over Grandma as she pulled her weak shaky body to it's feet.  She paused half way up, holding tightly to her cane, "This getting old......is for the birds".  She shook her head and looked up at me with tired brown eyes.  "I know Grandma".  She has been saying that for years. 

I helped her bathe, dress, and gather up the things she would need for her visit to the hospital for a sleep test she had been dreading for months.  Early the next morning she would travel on to my mother's house where she would stay....... maybe for good.  "Sharon isn't feeling well enough to care for me, and your mother refuses to put me in a home, so I guess I'll be staying with her".  I can tell she feels like a burden already.  "Grandma, you are at that point in your life where it is time to surrender and allow someone to take care of you, there is nothing wrong with that, just enjoy it".

Emilee plays quietly with Legos and Adeline lays on the couch sucking her thumb.  I water the plants and gather up Grandma's crocheting supplies, so she can finish up her last afghan when she gets to my mom's.  I ask if there is anything else she needs.  She takes my girls in her arms, one at a time, holding them on her lap.  She comments on their beauty, their growth, the differences in their personalities.  She tells them that she loves them, that they are special.   They smile and beam!

I give Grandma a small squeeze and a kiss.  I tell her I love her, wish her luck on her hospital test, and then, just like a million times before I turn and walk toward the creaky red door, only this time a feeling comes over me half way through the kitchen.  This is it.  This is the last time you will walk away from this familiar scene.  This is the last time you'll see her sitting in her squeaky rust colored chair.   The last time you will hear the T.V. filling in the silence of her lonely home.

I just kept walking refusing to believe it.  I knew Grandma would be coming back with my mom to gather up the rest of her things, and I would be with her then.  I would soak everything in and take millions of mental pictures.  I would be ready then, but not now.

The feeling was right.....and I was wrong.

The next morning when Robert called to tell me he was pulled out of his sleep to the sound of Grandma calling for help, which then turned into her passing out in his arms, her heart stopping on the way to the hospital, the paramedics bringing her back to life and her now lying sedated with tubes down her throat in the hospital, I felt my heart tighten into a painful knot of regret. 

Not just regret about not hugging her one more time, but a much much deeper regret.  I loved my Grandma deeply, but I have a little bit of her stubbornness in me, and sometimes I refused to love with all of my heart.  I held on a little too tightly to hurtful things that had happened in the past.  I was a little too judgmental.  I built a wall, and often justified my luke-warmness, as though somehow she, being imperfect, didn't deserve my complete and generous love.  I kind of kept her at a distance.

As I stood at the side of her hospital bed, I silently thanked the Lord, for his tender mercy.  For allowing me one more chance to show love, to give love.  To say I'm sorry.....to say good-bye.

The tubes were taken out, and Grandma was alert and able to speak in a soft whisper. We spent a long night, gearing up over and over for the end.  We sang songs, all of us, no matter what had happened in the past, we sang for Grandma, we shared memories.....good memories.  We laughed and cried.  We held each other and we held her hands. 

Grandma's heart was a heart that had been broken over and over in her nearly 86 years of life, and now she lay in a bed with a physically broken heart, a heart that was failing and yet I don't think her heart had ever been more filled with love and contentment.  I imagine her silently counting each of her family members.  She always did that at family gatherings.  Grandma loved nothing more than being surrounded by family, and that is exactly how she left this life and I'm sure that is how she was received into the next.

I got to be there.  I walked into her hospital room on Friday April 1, 2011 at 10:25 a.m. and witnessed her last breath.  The room was still, silent and sacred. I cried.

I miss my Grandma, and tomorrow I will go back to her home for the first time.  I am trying to prepare myself.  The empty chair, the silence, the memories.  My lesson in all of this is that holding back......is for the birds.  Loving wholly and completely, even when we are hurt is what God intends for us and in the end the only thing that matters.

I'm back......

.....and I feel like I just woke up from a night of no sleep! I look like it too!  The last month or so has been a whirlwind of emotion, change, experience and growth!  I might be exhausted, but I am exhausted and happy!

Previous to my "Blog Fast", I challenged myself to go for 40 days without any sweets.  During that time, I found I really didn't need chocolate as much as I always thought I did.

Blogs, however; are an entirely different craving for me.  I realize that I crave information, connection, creativity, and good writing!  I love learning about other people's lives, interests, aspirations and accomplishments.  Blogs inspire me!  I have missed them.

In their absence though, I have learned that I have a big problem with balance.  Learning to enjoy all things in moderation is a big deal to me, but right now I am not very good at it.  I have also learned that I tend to go unconscious at times, turning to outside sources to avoid fully living my own life.  I am not fully present in every moment.  I realized this, when I was finding myself spending too much time reading, or watching movies when I couldn't turn to the blogs I usually escape to.  Why would I do this?  I don't know!  I have a beautiful life filled with love and purpose and yet I seem to keep myself at a distance from everything I love.  Hmmm....interesting.

I am learning to be more aware of who I am and how I am spending my time.  I am trying not to judge myself....just observe and notice.  During the last 40 days, a lot of wonderful new things have happened.  My life is headed in a new and exciting direction, and I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for giving me such an abundant and full life!  It's my choice to accept it though.  I think the Lord is offering all of us every good thing we desire.....we just have to ask for it and then make the choice to take it!

I highly recommend sacrificing something you might be holding on to a little too tightly.  Stretch yourself.  Take the time to step back and look at your life and behavior a little more closely.  I promise the Lord will show you the parts that need to be let go of, and the best part, is he will replace those parts with the thing you really want......happiness!

A Life Near The Sea

Howard and Haroldene live near the sea, in a perfectly charming blue house with blue walls, and even a blue hard wood floor.  Surrounded by rose bushes and knick-knacks and walls lined with books and photo albums, you can't help but feel the history and stories that make up their beautiful life together.

 Their faithful companion, Rosie, scurries about under foot and excitedly greets us with heavy panting and rough doggy kisses.  

My girls are in heaven.....and so am I.  

It is our first time meeting this part of our family.  Tyler has told us of their wit and chemistry......how together they make the perfect couple.....the perfect grandparents.  The type who dote on you and make you feel like the most lovable creature in all the world.  Being there in their presence only proved him right.

Emilee collapses in slumber on a nearby chair, completely worn out from our travels and adventures, as the rest of us enjoy a slide show.  You know, with the slide projector and one of those old white screens.  It is absolutely perfect!  Each slide that flashes by paints the picture of grandma's dream.   

To live in a look out tower on a mountain top.  

As the story goes, she took a job in her fifties, for the forest service at a forest fire look out.  She and her dog Maggie lived on the mountain every summer for ten years, and grandpa would visit on the weekends.  Grandma was good at her job, and living a dream made everything magic.  A tiny cabin perched on a cliff, equipped with wood burning stove, the perfect mountain view and dotted with vases full of wild flowers.  It was her home....and she made it her own.  Everything was more beautiful because she had been there.

I smiled, listening to them talk over each other, hastily trying to include every detail, then grandpa would apologize for interrupting and both would sit in silence for a moment waiting for the other to finish the story. They were so proud of their life together and the things they accomplished were important to us, because they were important to them.

Their stories made me cherish my own.  It made me realize that my life is the story I will someday tell my grandchildren and great grandchildren.  

Grandma's health has been failing in the last few years, and as a result Grandpa has taken over all of the household duties.  Watching him take care of his sweetheart was so touching.  It was evident that their years together had forged a love for her in his heart that was real and deep and long suffering.  On the first night we were there I came into the kitchen to dish some dinner up for Tyler.  Grandpa quickly thanked me for "taking care of my guy", reminding me that when we love someone we must serve them.  His example taught me this more than anything he could ever say.

As we backed out of their drive way on a Friday afternoon, the image of them sending us on our way, filled me up completely.  I knew I had been given something valuable.  I had been tutored in love and encouraged by a wisdom greater than my own.  I think I saw more clearly the value of family and how we are all in this together!

Grandma and Grandpa,

I loved sharing a small part of your life near the sea!  Everything about our visit inspired love and restored the magic of adventure in me!  You showed me what it means to be generous and inspired me to take care of everyone and everything around me.  Thank you for all of the gifts you give.

I'll love you forever and ever.

~Michelle

You said Yes

The other day Tyler was chatting with Emilee on the living room floor.  They were talking about the temple, and Tyler asked, "What do you remember about Mommy and Daddy's wedding?  I'm sure you were there."  She casually looked over at him and smiled.  "You said yes."

We looked at each other in disbelief!  In the temple you say YES instead of I DO!  She was right.....we did say yes!

I like to think that our unborn children are allowed to witness our weddings!  What an awesome celebration it must be for them, knowing that we've made the commitment that will bring them into the world!

This conversation reminded me of a dream I had years ago!  It was one of the most vivid and real dreams I have ever had!  I kind of suspect that it was more than a dream......a memory perhaps?  In this dream I was there that rainy October day in 1977 to witness the wedding of my parents!  I saw them walking out of the temple.  I saw them happy and in love.....and so young!!  When I awoke, I felt like I had time traveled.....it was awesome!

My mother was pregnant with me two weeks after the wedding, which means if I was present at their wedding, I knew I would soon be on my way!  33 years ago on a rainy October day, my journey was about to begin!

I am forever grateful for my Mother and Father who, when asked if they would love each other for eternity, didn't hesitate to say YES!

Funny Feet

When I turned 8 years old, my Dad was away at Basic Training somewhere in the Southern United States!  I missed him, and it felt like forever since I had seen him.

We spent most of the summer, while he was gone, in Garrison on my Grandma and Grandpa's ranch!  It was magic!!  Hours and hours spent outdoors, wandering, exploring, and pretending!  Playing with cousins and enjoying the freedom of childhood!

I knew that when I turned 8, it would be time for me to be baptized.  I knew this was a big deal and there was still so much for me to learn and understand about the promises I would soon be making.

I was a happy child on one hand, but I was also a worrier, I felt even at my young age, that I had a lot of things to repent of......dark and serious things.  A lot of it stemmed from fears and emotions related to things I wrote about in THIS POST.  Along with my worries, I also struggled with a lot of insecurity.

I wanted to be baptized by my father, so I waited until he returned, and on a beautiful October day I stood with my Dad, both of us dressed in white.  Now, being a Mother myself, I can imagine the feelings my parents must have felt that day.  I imagine they felt in awe at how fast the years had gone by and how quickly I had grown.

I was recently asked what I remembered about my baptism day.  I know it was a beautiful and important day.  I remember feeling so clean and shiny.  I remember a feeling of sweetness and satisfaction when I was confirmed.  The thing I remember the most though, is how I hid my feet under the pew as I listened to the talks, for fear of someone noticing my funny looking feet!  WHAT?  What 8 year old child is worried about what their feet look like?

I was.

I don't know all of the reasons I felt ugly at such a young age.  It breaks my heart to think of my little self carrying such feelings of guilt, and embarrassment about my body.  I am still trying to work through those issues, all these years later.  The good news is, that on that October day so many years ago, I was touched by the power of the Atonement.  I was given a gift of comfort and companionship, a voice of reason in a dark world.  I knew without a doubt that I was known and loved by an all powerful and very personal Father in Heaven.

I wanted to be wherever that love was.  I wanted to find that place of safety, light, and happiness.

God has been so good to me, because even as I write this, I realize I am there.  I have so much to be grateful for!

A Good Day

Five years ago today I found myself in my cozy bed in a tiny Orem apartment.  I was tired and didn't feel well.  Lying there in the dark I sensed someone enter my room.  It was Tyler, and he softly whispered for me to get up and get dressed and meet him in the living room!

"Whoa, wait......what time is it?", I thought.  "How did you get into my apartment?"  Everything was a swirl of confusion, sickness, and excitement!  It was a Saturday, and not just any Saturday.  It was General Conference Saturday, and I was excited to sleep in, and lazily lounge around the house listening to words of hope and counsel.

I jumped up and dressed in the dark, tried to comb my hair and met Tyler in the living room!  He seemed nervous and excited.  I couldn't say I was unaware of what was going on.  It was a short time before, that I had finally agreed.  It was time for us to be together forever.  We hurried out to his truck and together we started toward the mountains.  He had a back-pack filled with snacks and had even purchased a radio, so we could listen to the first session of conference together on top of squaw peak.  As I mentioned before, I wasn't feeling well, so it didn't take long before I broke down!  I felt horrible.  I knew he had put a lot of thought into his plan and I knew it would all be wonderful, but I just couldn't do it!  The work of hiking and climbing and straining and sweating was more than I could take considering the nausea and headache.  I sobbed, not because of how I was feeling physically, but because of  how I was feeling inside.  The last thing I wanted to do was ruin this important day.

Together we sat on the side of the trail and he held me while I cried.  We went back to the truck and he drove me home.  I remember he was so sweet and so understanding.  The truth was, it didn't matter where it happened.  After our long and emotional journey to this point, it just felt good to have our focus on eternity.

We watched conference together.  I don't really remember all of the details of the day, but I do remember that sometime after 4:00 p.m. we took a drive up Provo canyon and basked in the beauty of a changing season, both literally and figuratively.  This is my favorite time of year and there is nothing like being surrounded by the warmth of Fall kissed mountains!  I was in heaven!

We arrived at Sundance.  We found a place to pull off the road and together we walked up into the trees.  Tyler was nervous and knelt down in the leaves.  A car pulled up a few yards away disturbing our  peace and he quickly jumped to his feet.  We quietly waited until they drove away.  Again he knelt down and took my hands.  He began to speak his emotional request, when quite unexpectedly a man came bursting through the bushes  just a few feet away!  Again Tyler jumped to his feet!  We were both startled and quite surprised and laughed at the timing of the interruptions.  The whole thing was kind of rushed, because Tyler had to be back by 6:00 p.m. for the Priesthood session.

Finally after much distraction and interruption, he asked me the question......and I said YES!

I know his plans for that day included something a little more beautiful and meaningful than what actually transpired, but there is a spot....a beautiful and sacred spot in the golden trees of Sundance where our lives changed, and the days that have passed from that day to this, have brought us more joy and growth than I could have ever hoped for as I stood in that spot.

Today, my heart is filled and bursting with gratitude for a man who has been willing so often to stop on the side of the trail and hold me while I struggle through our journey together.  He has been willing to make alternate plans......plans that have sometimes been different than the original, but more beautiful than either of us could have ever hoped!                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Becoming a Queen

In recent months, I have been fascinated with the idea of becoming. By that, I mean the idea of changing and evolving into my full potential. Into something greater than I currently am.

I have felt a need to find out what I am really doing here. It is my belief that we came from another existence where we were given a choice to come to earth. I believe that promises were made there and assignments were given. We interacted with God. I believe we are His children, and as His children we hold divinity that is beyond our comprehension. Being here on earth is part of a grand plan, the purpose of which, is to unite all of us as one eternal family and allow us the choice to return to our Father in Heaven. I have lived my entire life with these understandings, but I realize that just knowing something doesn’t mean I am really living up to my potential and purpose.

What is it then, that must be done for me to become who and what I am meant to be? Is it more about changing myself, or is it more about remembering myself? Most likely some of both.

Because these things have been on my mind a lot lately, it feels like I am at the beginning of my journey, but if I look back at my life thus far, I find that I have been on the journey all along. Becoming is simply about choices. Every choice we make sends us down the path of becoming. The question is what am I becoming?

Am I on the path to my full potential? Or am I wandering around, lost, confused, and focused on things that are nothing more than distractions.

I want to become who I am supposed to be. That is what I have decided for myself, and hopefully my choices will reflect that more often than not. Fulfilling my purpose is a very personal and sacred path, but I am all about working together to make things happen, and I’d like to include anyone and everyone who would like to help. In return I’d like to help anyone I can.

Because of all of this I have started a new blog Becoming a Queen. Through this blog I am going to share what I feel are crucial elements in this process. My hope is that others will help and contribute. I would love to interview others who are on this same quest, and who may have insight that will help me on my journey. I am excited to learn and...become.

In the tops of the mountains

This weekend we had our 1st annual Iverson reunion......... and I loved it!

I'll admit that I was not really excited to go, because the days leading up to it were filled with sickness in our home....and along with sickness comes crankiness and exhaustion. Not exactly the makings for a good time in the outdoors if you ask me. Luckily the sickness went away and as soon as we headed up the twisty road to our campsite......I was so glad I was there!

We camped near Puffer Lake on Beaver Mountain and it was beautiful! We played games, sat around campfires, some fished, some hiked and nearly everyone got soaked. It rained quite a lot which chased us into a large huddle under the tarp to wait out the down pours. It was so nice though....being out of the heat. I really couldn't complain, that is until my nights were rudely disrupted by Adeline's night terrors, or sleep screaming, or I'm trying to make this experience miserable for my mommy tantrums.....or whatever you want to call them. You could safely say....she "wasn't a happy camper".....at least not during the cold damp nights.

Poor girl.

This was her very first time camping and I think she quickly got annoyed at not being able to crawl in the mud and jump in the puddles like the bigger kids. Maybe next year chica! In all honesty though, she was a trooper!

Of course Emilee capital L.O.V.E.D-ed it! She rolled in mud, ran up and down...up and down....up and down. Washed her hands in the creek. Played with cousins, and aunts, and uncles. Gave mommy heart attacks every time she stumbled around the fire pit. She screamed into the vast expanse of creation with her loud/squeaky voice and basically lived it up in every possible two-year-old-I'm-running-free-in-the-mountains kind of way!

I would say her shining moments included her outdoor potty chair photo shoot and her performance on Sunday morning during our devotional. As we sang our closing hymn "I Stand All Amazed", she moved to the middle of the circle and entertained us with an interpretive dance routine. When the hymn was finally finished she let out a long dreamy sigh and then proclaimed...."that was a good song!"

I loved spending time with everyone! My husband comes from an amazing family! They are all so loving and accepting of one another and it is always a joy to be in their company!

I'm already looking forward to the 2nd annual Iverson reunion! Unless of course I'm pregnant with twins by then.....which may be the case considering two of my sisters-in-law have notified me on separate occasions that they had dreams that I was pregnant with twins.....yikes!

As of today.......not pregnant with twins.......not pregnant at all (just to clear that up)! I'll keep you posted with any new developments on that one!

For now.....here's to sleeping in my own bed and 10 thousand loads of smokey laundry! Better get to work!

Bacon Brownies, Elephants, Fireworks and a 5K

My 4th of July weekend was wonderful! It was a good ol' fashioned memory making weekend......and I loved everything single second.

One of the highlights was the bacon brownie. Amber brought it back from her business trip to NYC, and as I was eating it, I thought how funny it is that I would be eating a dense chocolate treat laced with caramelized bacon. Who comes up with this stuff? It is choices like this that give clarity to my "battle of the bulge". I do have a serious thing for chocolate and I am in deep trouble when there is bacon around, but to indulge in both at once, and admit that I actually thought it tasted good.......well, think I might need help!

This was going to be the weekend where weakness and triumph would embrace and be friendly, for my sake and for the sake of family.......This was the weekend of the much anticipated 5K. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

We kicked off our celebration of independence with a trip to the zoo! Which is kind of funny......celebrating our freedom and independence by watching a bunch of animals trapped in cages lay around eating veggies and picking lice out of each others hair. Oh but it was fun! Accompanying us on our adventure would be the lovely Marnae , the beautiful Bethany, the gorgeous Tynett and all of their handsome husbands! It was bound to be a good time! Unfortunately Emilee got sick on the ride up, and emptied her breakfast all over her shirt and skirt ensemble, so we did our best to give her a quick wet wipe bath, and set off in nothing but a pull-up and a hogle zoo souvenir t-shirt, courtesy of Nett and Adam (thank you). It wasn't long before her upset tummy was a thing of the past, and nothing but monkeys, tigers and elephants were in view. She ran here, and bounced over there.....snakes, penguins, giraffes.......and more monkeys! It was a two year old dream come true! Like I said, we loved every single second!


After a few hours at the zoo, we headed to a local park for a picnic. We ate sandwiches, home-made salsa, and fresh fruit. The weather was absolutely beautiful, almost a little chilly even. Perfect for napping, and relaxing. After the picnic we stopped by Nett and Adam's new apartment to check it out (very nice by the way), then we headed off for Springville.

That night we did the traditional eat snacks and watch fireworks. I must say it was magical, being there, watching Emilee and Adeline soak it all in. There is something so satisfying about passing on traditions, and seeing that same childhood joy you experienced in your own children as they feel the magic and excitement.

I must say my favorite 4th of July tradition is the when the fighter jets fly over the city. Seeing them race overhead fills me up completely with a combination of love, gratitude, patriotism and a sudden desire to watch Top Gun......okay, I'm kind of kidding about the Top Gun part. It gets me teary every time.

Sunday evening Tyler's sisters and husbands joined my family for a bbq at my parent's house. It was fun being surrounded by so much family. My grandma Wheeler was there as well. My favorite part was watching Emilee do the sparklers that night.


The grand finale to the perfect weekend, was our attempt at our first 5K! On Monday morning bright and early Tyler, my dad and I gathered with thousands of people in Provo Utah for the Freedom Run. We got to run down the parade route and it was so much fun! We were slow......and I mean slow. As we headed up 9th east, I started to curse the bacon brownie, and every other thing that keeps me trapped in my plumpness......why......WHY? I am too weak to resist, and a little too chubby and out of shape to really "run", so here I am shuffling and gasping for breath on the uphill wondering why I ever agreed to do this. The wondering only lasted a few minutes until I rounded the corner and saw the finish line. At that point my dad took off and I tried to pick up my shuffle until at last I crossed that line and crossed one of my goals off the proverbial list.

I did it!

I finished a 5K. And surprisingly, I can't wait to do the next one!

I kind of rushed through and left out so many details of our weekend, but I'm quite sure it was one of the best 4th of July weekends I've ever had.

Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness........How did I get so blessed?!

I'm practically a professional now

Here it is.....wedding cake no. 2! This time for the lovely Marnae!

(To see cake no. 1 go here.)

I realize I need to take some cake decorating classes and learn the secrets of the trade, otherwise there is an awful lot of praying and muttering bad words under my breath, as I try to patch holes and cover up cracks.

Probably not the most effective combo.

Marnae loved it though.....and that's all that really matters!

(So thanks for answering my prayers.......and sorry about the bad words!)

Congratulations Rick and Marnae!!

Just looking at you

It's impossible to ignore the flutter in my heart when I see you being daddy. You love your girls with everything you have. And I must say there is nothing more beautiful to me than seeing the man I love taking care of the girls I love.

Your manly heart is strong and unfailing. A safe and comfortable home for all of your girls......including me!


Yes, families can be together forever, and I thank you my love, for wanting it all just as much as I do!

Color Splash

I am longing for spring! We caught a short glimpse of it during this last week, but woke up to a few inches of snow again this morning!

Bummer.

I know it will return soon though, and I am anxiously looking forward to the leisurely walks with my babies, and camp-outs on the lawn. I'm dreaming of lazy afternoon picnics and warm starlit nights.

I have a gazillion projects up my sleeve that I am itching to start and hope for a few consecutive days of warmth so I can work on them outside!

A couple of weeks ago, I enjoyed a long ride with my Mother-in-law and three of my Sisters-in-law! We were traveling up for another sister's bridal shower, and the trip was filled with the most inspiring and uplifting conversation! It is so easy for me to fall back into my ruts....those ruts I have worn into my soul through years of laziness and bad habits. Even when I feel inspired to improve and change, I always seem to fall back into my rut. But on this day, we talked and discussed and validated each other in that wonderful way only women can do for each other. It was beautiful and meaningful and I really really appreciate and love the family I have married into!

My Mother-in-law made a suggestion to solve one of my problems. She suggested that I keep my kitchen table set with dishes all of the time. I should always have it ready to use for a meal, that way it will be so much harder to cover it up with mail, paperwork, coats, diaper bags, this, that and the other....pretty much rendering it useless for what it was intended for.....meals with family!

I loved her idea, and while I was at Wal-Mart, I found these cheap, but darling plastic dishes that were just perfect, so....I bought them, and yes, they have made all the difference. Not only have they added a splash of color, but a feeling of order....a much needed order. And they have lifted me out of my rut!

Swifter, Higher, Stronger

Several times in the last two years, I have taken a long long look at the beauty that surrounds me! I feel a great sense of gratitude and peace when I contemplate my life and all that it has become, but there are also moments where I wonder what I have gotten myself into. Let's be honest.....being a mom is hard.

Motherhood is a race that I am winning time and time again. By winning, I don't mean that it is always accomplished gracefully or that it is even how I intend it to be....I mean that at the end of the day, be it long and tiring, or filled with light and happiness, I get to stand on the winner's platform with my hard earned metal proudly resting near my heart. I get to close my eyes and hear the anthem of my home play in the laughter of my children. These kinds of metals are hard earned....they are fought for in the battles of daily life. Motherhood is far more magnificent than we realize.

It is heart breaking and heart building.

Making it through another day of messes, whining, near choking disasters, spills, crying, messes, short naps, teething, sticky fingers, bad dreams, messes, tantrums etc......makes me a winner! We can't hang our heads in shame when we come out of it with our heart's still in tact and our homes still standing. We get to create lives, mold lives.....and sometimes even save lives!

We are hero's.....all of us.

Tomorrow will be another starting line....another stretch....another wait for another chance.....another win.

The Par-tay!

On Saturday my sweet husband let me sleep in, which was very very much appreciated, but when I awoke and saw that it was nearly 10:00am, I was a tad bit shocked and a wee bit stressed knowing that in only 3 short hours the guests would be arriving for Emilee's birthday party!

I jumped out of bed, threw on the clothes I wore the day before, and got to work finishing up decorations along with Mikey's help (thanks Mikey), baking, chopping, cleaning, and setting up!!

In case you weren't aware......I love parties!


It was fun having family all jam-packed into our cozy little house, and as we all snacked on "kid friendly" foods, we laughed and loved and celebrated our little Emmy-boo! The menu included mini pigs in a blanket, peppers and hummus, bananas and apples, tater tots and daddy's "special tot sauce", and yummy yummy red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting!


She loved her cupcake and insisted on blowing out the candles before we could finish singing to her!

She and the other children were covered in Kool-aid stains....oops! Sorry Mothers!


Here are some of the decorations! So fun!


She wanted to play with each of her gifts as they were opened, making it a long torturous process for all of the anxious cousins waiting and watching!


Everyone was so generous! Thank you all for coming and making the party fun and special!

Announcement

I have a food blog!!! Anyone who knows me well, or maybe not even that well, will know that I LOVE food! I love talking about food, making food, watching other people make food, and most of all eating food!!

So come join me on my New Blog, and I'll try to share some of my favorite food from time to time!

See you there!

Childhood Memories

1- When we were young and living in what my parents called "the great and spacious building" on 9th East in Provo, we would watch "Dallas" and eat potato chips every Friday night! It is funny to think of that now, because Dallas isn't exactly a show for young children. You wouldn't think I'd be interested....oh, but I was! I couldn't wait to find out who shot J.R....about the weird dream season with Pam and Bobby.....Sue Ellen and her big scary eyes....okay, maybe my memories are a little fuzzy. All I know is that "Dallas" rocked and so did the potato chips!

2-I remember trips to the Rocky Mountain Drive-in for french fries and fry sauce. Then we would head across the street to the park on 5th East. You know the one that used to have the large ditch full of water where all of the kids would play and contract all sorts of illnesses? That may be why they filled it in and closed it up eventually. So sad.

3-Sunday nights we would have friends over for popcorn and juice! The grown-ups would discuss how the country is going to heck in a hand basket, and unknowingly keep me awake at night wondering if I even had a future to look forward to! Heavy political discussions and popcorn...good times!

4-Every time my Grandma W. would come visit she would gift us a package of cheese curds from the cheese factory in Delta! We loved the "squeaky cheese"! On one occasion I ate a little too much and had to spend a long evening in the bathroom (over sharing?)....it wasn't pretty!

5-I loved to go walking with my mom and her friends. Sometimes they walked a little too fast for my short legs, so I would have to skip and jog a little in order to keep up. I remember one time when it was just me and my mom. We were walking up 3rd south in Provo. It was dusk and I thought I saw a rabbit crossing the road up ahead. As my mother searched the street for said rabbit, she caught her toe on the uneven sidewalk and landed on her face!! I felt horrible!!! To this day she still teases me about the "rabbit"!

6-When I was eight years old I had a poster of Jon Bon Jovi hanging on my bedroom wall. I knew all the words to "Livin' on a Prayer" and "You Give Love a Bad Name". When Bon Jovi came to town, my dad stood in line with me to get tickets. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) the tickets sold out before we made it to the front of the line! Wow! My dad was awfully supportive. I mean what eight year old is waiting in line to see Bon Jovi?

I'm starting to realize that I was a very *ahem* "unique" child!

It is interesting when you stop and look back at different parts of your life. It is almost always embarrassing in some way. Like in my case it appears I was a little bit obsessed with food. And apparently adult conversation,television shows, and rock bands. Funny. It's fun to think of the way things used to be. The things that used to be important to me. The things that have made me, in part, who I am right this very minute.

What are some of your favorite childhood memories?

P.S. In the photo, I am the one on the right with the side pony-tail! This is the only childhood photo I have on the computer! Girl's Camp at Mia Shalom!

I need you too!

This photo has nothing to do with this post, but I love finding the fruits of play and imagination scattered about the house. Things like this always make me smile!

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A few months into my pregnancy with Adeline I had a sort of hormonal melt down. I was really upset about something and I threw the remote across the room and began crying and carrying on.

This is very embarrassing to admit, and fortunately it is not a common practice of mine to behave this way, but, needless to say it traumatized my poor little Emilee and most likely my unborn Adeline as well.

In the midst of my bawling and carrying on, I could hear my sweet child's fearful voice crying...."mama, mama.....mama!" I finally took her in my arms and assured her that all was well and that mommy would be okay!

To this day the whole incident haunts me. It is one I would take back if I could, but I'm not perfect, and a very weak side of myself showed up that afternoon. Ever since that day Emilee has been extremely protective of her mommy and extremely sensitive to my emotional state.
On occasion, she will stop what she is doing, and ask...."mommy, you okay?" I used to worry about it, feeling like it is an unnecessary burden for one so small, feeling responsible for keeping tabs on her mother's state of being, but after a while I began to realize something. Our children are an unlimited source of love and comfort. They are teachers of loyalty and forgiveness! They are almost incapable of holding a grudge against us and all our imperfections, because they expect the best out of us, and seem to hope for it even when we doubt ourselves!

I don't even know if any of this is making sense, but I just need to acknowledge and celebrate the love that is found in these button nosed, rosy cheeked babies of mine!

Being a recipient of their love is an honor indeed!

Sugar Booger

I often call Emilee and Adeline my sugar babies! I don't know how it started, but it is a term of endearment, and honestly my addiction to their sweetness rivals that of my addiction to chocolate cake donuts.....so it fits.

This week there has been a change, a slight variation if you will. Last night, as I was wiping Addy's nose for the fiftieth time, I called her my little sugar booger! Tyler quickly informed me that any term of endearment involving phlegm, wasn't really that endearing!

Honestly though....we have gone through a gazillion tissues this week, plies of used ones forming on every corner! I'm praying the constant drip will end soon and my babies will be able to breath again!!

Turkey Love

I have to be honest. I haven't really anticipated the annual Thanksgiving Turkey dinner with much excitement over the years. I would actually have been happier with a Thanksgiving Cheeseburger or Thanksgiving ham and cheese sandwich for that matter. Turkey is okay, but I just couldn't figure out what all the hullabaloo was about until this beauty (pictured above) came into my life!

A few years ago Tyler and I discovered a recipe for, in my opinion, the greatest Thanksgiving Turkey known to man! Let's just say it involves butter, sage, bacon and maple syrup, and when done properly can propel you into dimensions unknown!! Tyler is an awesome husband. Period. But, he is also my hero when it comes to culinary feats, and every year he tenderly and patiently works his magic......until voila! Perfection is achieved!!

Oh the juiciness. Oh the smokiness. Oh the maple sweetness! And the gravy, made with the drippings, with just a hint of maple.......oh my goodness!

To some I may be overdoing it with my ode to the perfect turkey, but it feels good to be joining in the anticipation of the time honored tradition! I seriously can't wait!

If you want the recipe, go here.

To all the Queens out there!

I live in a palace of paper and lace.

Walls smudged with finger prints,
things out of place.

Halls filled with music, and laughter and noise.
Dress-up parades,
and tripping on toys.

I chit-chat with princesses,
dance and we twirl!
While ruling my kingdom,
my days are a whirl.

Who am I, you ask,
and whose company keep?
My title so noble,
and guests so elite?

I am a tutor
to Heaven's supreme!
I am a Mother.
I am a Queen.

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Michelle Iverson
November 2009