Love Letters to My Life

I've really neglected my blog this year (obviously) but a piece of my heart has ached to return to this familiar place.

The need to come back and scroll through old posts and photos.  

A need to remember. 

As I read my thoughts and looked at the images of my life as it used to be, I felt so grateful!  I could see how far we've come, but also how much more complicated things have become.  I missed the simplicity, but appreciated the new adventures we are currently facing.

There is a lot of awareness to be gained in keeping a record of life.  It pleases me so completely to know that life has been, and will be beautiful in every phase.  "Beautiful" isn't always pretty mind you...things can and will be messy and painful, but I've found it's in the looking back (sometimes from a distance), that we are finally able to see a more complete picture and purpose in the madness.  A chaos touched by divinity!

When you have evidence...a record of some sort...it is easy to see how gradually you've become who you were always meant to be!

*image*

Like a Queen

Tiny shoulders wrapped in fairest skin.  The lightest wisps of wavy hair.  Clear eyes and rose bud lips flutter and twist with the wonder of excitement.  There are dreams in these hearts and big ideas in these little heads!

I sit day after day watching this beauty of girlhood whirl all around me, and I hope with great confidence that one day these little infant goddesses will find a man like their father who will recognize who they are and treat them like a Queen!

I remember as a teenager feeling so angry and embarrassed when my dad would give my boyfriends that "disapproving" look.  What I didn't fully grasp at the time was this innate sense of protection and desire for your daughter to have "only the best". 

One of my very fondest, most tender moments with my father was in the Salt Lake Temple after I was sealed to Tyler for eternity.  He took both of us in his arms, and with tears in his eyes, told us how proud he was of us that day.  I could sense the difficult surrender of handing my care over to another man, but I could feel even more, his respect for and confidence in this man who just covenanted with God to treat me like a Queen!

While we were dating, Tyler handed me a note in church one day that said, "If you marry me, I will make all of your wildest dreams come true".  It was a funny note, but I knew he really meant it.

We just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary and my sweet husband surprised me with tickets to see Andrea Bocelli in concert!  A dream of mine for 13 years now!  I first heard him sing on a PBS special while I was a nanny in California.  I was 20 years old at the time, and my young adventurous heart was spell bound by the powerful voice of a man who could not see his audience.  The beauty of his performance was not only in his voice, but in his presence.  He is blind, and if you've ever seen him sing, you will know that his disability is a part of what makes him great.  He is not a theatrical performer.  He stands in one place, hands to his sides and simply sings.

Being there in the same space as Andrea Bocelli was exactly the dream I envisioned it to be.  It was an experience, a witnessing of greatness -- something I will never, ever forget.

After the concert, Tyler and I sat in a romantically lit restaurant, surrounded by our fellow concert goers.  There seemed to be a collective reverence and excitement for what we had all just experienced.  I heard a gentleman sitting next to us whisper to his wife, "I hadn't expected to feel the emotion I felt as I heard him sing."

Our perfect evening was punctuated with the most perfectly delicious meal we have ever shared, and I knew, as I looked across the table, that my dad's wishes for his daughter were coming true.  Not just in fancy concerts and fine dining, but in a heart that is willing to give and sacrifice for my happiness.  A heart set on keeping his most sacred promise to love me, protect me, and "make my wildest dreams come true."

Happy Anniversary My Love.

*image*

doTERRA

I want to talk about my new passion...doTERRA!  

doTERRA is fairly new company (about 3 years old) specializing in certified pure therapeutic essential oils.  They are the only essential oils company delivering a COMPLETELY pure product, double testing every batch they produce to guarantee the highest level of purity.  

In April of 2010 I attended my first class with my mother-in-law and purchased a Family Physician kit and the Modern Essentials book that night.  I didn't really know what I was doing at the time, but have since discovered what a blessing these oils are in my home.  doTERRA means "gift of the earth", and though  I believe the medical profession is inspired and saves lives everyday, I also believe that God has provided the ingredients needed for health and healing in a more natural way.  In fact many pharmaceuticals are synthetic attempts at recreating the healing elements found in nature.  I figure why not go straight to the original source!

The mission of doTERRA is to have a healer in every home.  How empowering is it to know we can take matters into our own hands when it comes to the health and well being of those in our own homes!  We don't have to run to the doctor's office every time we are sick, and in fact, regular use of these oils can prevent illness and restore our bodies to a more whole and healthy state.

I am going to get really personal here for a second.  When I made my first doTERRA purchase over a year and a half ago, I felt something stir inside of me.  I knew I needed to have these "gifts of the earth" in my home, and I needed to learn how to use them to benefit my life, and the lives of those around me...but I kind of let that feeling fade over time.  I purchased only a few more oils, and tried to use them with limited education.  I felt their impact in my life, but never used them very consistently. 

All through the fall and winter months, and into the spring, my girls battled cold after cold, and flu after flu.  They were literally sick with something every couple of weeks.  On top of all of that there was a heavy and dark energy that seemed to hang over our home like a gloomy dark cloud.  I felt helpless, and struggled with feelings of guilt when it came to my family's health.  I knew some major changes needed to take place in our home, and so I prayed and prayed.  

My good friend and mentor, Cherie Burton, asked me one day if I was familiar with essential oils.  I told her I was, and that I had been using them on and off for a few months.  Over time she taught me about the gentle yet powerful influence these oils can have in our lives.  She explained how they have brought about miracles for her family, and she taught me how to incorporate them more fully into my routine.  I felt that subtle stir in my heart again.  I knew that in some way, these oils were calling to me, but I still didn't pay a lot of attention to it.

Cherie offered to come out to my small community to teach a class on the oils, so we made arrangements and held a very small class at the Garrison Elementary School.  Not many people showed up, but she kept telling me that in her experience those who need to be there, always show up, and she is willing to do a class, even if it's for one or two people.  I remember thinking, "Wow, what a generous attitude!", but she explained that teaching others how to heal their lives and their families cannot be a self serving effort.

After that class the stirring continued, and I asked Cherie if she would teach a class for my family at my parent's house.  She said she would, but asked if I would be willing to teach a part of the class!  I agreed to do so, but I was set in my mind and knew that selling doTERRA was not for me.  doTERRA is a multi-level marketing company, and I've tried my hand at a few of those over the years with no success, and knew I would never try that again.  I hate the feeling of trying to sell things and the pressure that always seems to make all of your friends, family and strangers feel uncomfortable in your presence.  No thank you on that!!  Not for me!

A couple of weeks before the class I started to study up for the part I would be teaching, and in the process I stumbled across a video of Natalie Goddard, one of the most successful distributors of doTERRA essential oils. If you'd like to watch it, here is the link http://vimeo.com/25579965.  I was struck by her quiet non assuming way, and I felt like I was listening to my own struggle in her story.  That stirring in my heart became a whisper in my ear and I knew in that moment, that teaching others how to heal their lives is what I am here to do.  Suddenly it all made sense to me with the book I am writing, and the mentoring business I am starting.  Sharing the natural healing power of essential oils falls right in line with the kind of healing tools I am hoping to share with women.

We held the class at my parent's house last week, and once again only a few people attended, but that didn't trouble me at all.  Education was gained, oils were purchased and lives were changed, and the warmth and contentment I felt at being a part of it all overwhelmed me!  I was at my mom's house sitting across the table from her when her order arrived.  She pulled out all of her oils and opened them up, smelling them and reading about their healing properties in her new Modern Essentials book.  She rubbed some Deep Blue over her arthritic hands, the pain evident in her face as she rubbed it in.  Helping her arthritis was one of the main reasons she purchased the oils and I said a little prayer that these oils would be a solution to her need.  Within one minute, I noticed the expression on her face change.  She looked at me and said, "Oh my goodness...I can feel a noticeable change!  Oh my goodness...I can put pressure on my hand...look at this!"  Right there at her kitchen table, we witnessed a little miracle...we witnessed the beginning of healing, and I am so grateful to have found such a powerful tool!

I know these oils can do amazing things and I am on a mission to share them with everyone!  If there is anything that ails you, physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, it can be helped and I would love to come and share doTERRA with you!!  If you'd like to learn more and possibly host a class in your own home, please contact me at mere.elle@gmail.com.  I am going to be working to set up a bi-monthly class out here near Garrison, and then I also want to begin doing a bi-monthly class in Utah county, so let me know if you are interested and I'll tell you when and where they will be held!

Happy Birthday to Me

Today I complete my 33rd year of life, and I must say that right here in the middle of life; you know....the day to day of things, it often appears to be nothing more than a bunch of squiggly lines and random flecks of color splashed around all messy and out of order.  Thankfully, over the years I have been able to step back from the chaos only to find that all of those lines and flecks actually make up something incredible. A bigger picture that makes perfect sense. 

Of course pain has been present through the years, drumming on my heart with its rapid beat of growth, and yet I have lived moment after beautiful moment wondering how God could possibly be so good to me.

Obviously He knows my heart.

He knows exactly what to do to make my life beautiful and meaningful, and in my constant quest of faith through fear, He has always shown me that He is there with this generous gift of life, and all it has in store.

I love that we celebrate the day we are born!  The beginning of our story, and every chapter along the way!

I'm back......

.....and I feel like I just woke up from a night of no sleep! I look like it too!  The last month or so has been a whirlwind of emotion, change, experience and growth!  I might be exhausted, but I am exhausted and happy!

Previous to my "Blog Fast", I challenged myself to go for 40 days without any sweets.  During that time, I found I really didn't need chocolate as much as I always thought I did.

Blogs, however; are an entirely different craving for me.  I realize that I crave information, connection, creativity, and good writing!  I love learning about other people's lives, interests, aspirations and accomplishments.  Blogs inspire me!  I have missed them.

In their absence though, I have learned that I have a big problem with balance.  Learning to enjoy all things in moderation is a big deal to me, but right now I am not very good at it.  I have also learned that I tend to go unconscious at times, turning to outside sources to avoid fully living my own life.  I am not fully present in every moment.  I realized this, when I was finding myself spending too much time reading, or watching movies when I couldn't turn to the blogs I usually escape to.  Why would I do this?  I don't know!  I have a beautiful life filled with love and purpose and yet I seem to keep myself at a distance from everything I love.  Hmmm....interesting.

I am learning to be more aware of who I am and how I am spending my time.  I am trying not to judge myself....just observe and notice.  During the last 40 days, a lot of wonderful new things have happened.  My life is headed in a new and exciting direction, and I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for giving me such an abundant and full life!  It's my choice to accept it though.  I think the Lord is offering all of us every good thing we desire.....we just have to ask for it and then make the choice to take it!

I highly recommend sacrificing something you might be holding on to a little too tightly.  Stretch yourself.  Take the time to step back and look at your life and behavior a little more closely.  I promise the Lord will show you the parts that need to be let go of, and the best part, is he will replace those parts with the thing you really want......happiness!

The Christmas Grump!

I was really  grouchy on Christmas day this year!  I just couldn't get into the fun and excitement.  I tried, but my heart was somewhere far away.  I felt like I wanted to burst out bawling and throw myself into bed for the remainder of the day.  I was completely lonely in a house filled with people I love and I felt like there was no one who could understand how I was feeling.

I felt burdened with weird emotions, frustrations, annoyances and hard feelings that I just couldn't shake.  The more I felt them, the angrier I got with myself for feeling so weird and for choosing Christmas day, of all days to throw my inner pity party.  It was a lame party....let me tell ya.

Just the night before I had made a personal commitment to be more grateful for all of the good and "not so good" in my life, and here I was, already feeling sorry for myself and finding it most difficult to be happy on the happiest day of the year!

Tyler dropped me off at home in the afternoon to put the girls down for their naps, and then he quickly returned to his parent's house to play games and hang out with his family!  I was trying my hardest to hold all of my emotions down, just waiting to let them burst after he shut the door, but he paused on his way out to thank me for the Christmas gift I had given him this year (which was very sweet of him), and I couldn't hold it in for another second and burst into tears!  I wouldn't even accept his offer for a hug and just told him to go.

I had a good, hard, deep cry letting out all of my sadness and bitterness.  Sadness and bitterness that had a million origins. I didn't even know all of it existed until then.  When I look back at it, I can see that it had been building up for a long time, little aches and pains in my heart that I didn't really know what to do with, so I'd just grit my teeth and try not to lash out in anger.

After my cry I just sat on the couch thinking about how I was feeling.  Why was everything hurting me like it was?  I still don't know for sure.  What I do know is that sometimes life hurts....it just does.  People are imperfect and we ourselves are imperfect, and sometimes our expectations don't line up with the desires and behavior of others.  People hurt us without even meaning to, and the unfortunate truth is some people are just a little too selfish.  It's all okay though, because we are learning.  We are all in need of repentance and forgiveness and on that day when we celebrated the birth of our Savior, I realized once again, just what he means to me.  How constantly I need him, and how all of the sadness and bitterness he took upon himself, was to allow me the choice to leave it with him, and not have to carry it all on my own.

Truly something to celebrate!

Fine and Fancy

When I was a little girl, my mom used to tell me I'd need to marry a wealthy man to please my taste for pretty and expensive things!  She used to say it with a tone in her voice that made me feel badly about my love of all things fine and fancy!  

As I've grown into a woman, I realize I don't need a wealthy man, but rather a man who loves the fact that beautiful things speak to my heart and when possible, honors my desire to be surrounded by that beauty.

For quite some time, I have admired a work of art entitled "For This Child I Prayed" by Elspeth Young.  It is a moving depiction of Hannah and the baby Samuel from the bible.  I have always loved the story of this brave woman who longed for the role of motherhood and promised the Lord that the child would be his, if he would just bless her with a son.  What a faithful and beautiful woman Hannah was!  I love a good story of feminine strength!!

This piece of art expresses something I feel deeply as a mother! It warms my heart with all of the joy and gratitude I feel for the babies I love!  It is more than art.  To me it is a masterpiece and whenever something touches me this deeply, I long to have it in my home.

A month or so ago, Tyler surprised me with this very painting and reminded me that enjoying the things that move your heart is an important part of this life.  Wealthy (which he is in so many ways), or not, my sweetheart has blessed me with many beautiful things over the years, and I love him so deeply for that.

I was reading a book about Marjorie Pay Hinckley a short time ago, where she tells a story of one of her travels to a distant and not so prosperous land.  She entered the tiny, modest home of a family and saw up on a high shelf a simple pitcher filled with plastic flowers!!  It put a smile on her face to see a mother doing her part to beautify her home.....even if it is with one vase of fake flowers!

As women, we put the final touch on our home, and creating a place of warmth and beauty is a part of utilizing our creative power!  "Fine and fancy" is in the eye of the beholder.  What is beautiful to me may not be to you.  The point I am trying to make here though,is that it's okay to love something beautiful.....that is what we were created to do!!

The Great Gratitude Experience

I am on a quest for complete joy and connection in my life, and I've had a brilliant idea!  This is a brilliant idea for MY situation and MY needs, but I think it applies to everyone and I want to share it and invite everyone I know to join in!

I am calling it "The Great Gratitude Experience of 2011", and my goal this new year is to blow my gratitude into a great big epic ball of energy that will heal myself, my family and the whole world!!! 

A little too ambitious?  Perhaps, but I honestly feel that if we can put more focus on giving thanks to God and those around us for what we DO have, amazing transformations can take place in our lives and I am set on proving that to myself in this next year of my life!!

2010 has been a beautiful year for me!  I think I can say I am a better version of myself now, having experienced this year!  I have so much to be grateful for.....we all do, and it serves us a great deal, to look for those things and then actually give thanks for them!

"Do we want our homes to be happy? If we do, let them be the abiding place of prayer, thanksgiving and gratitude"  

~President George Albert Smith 1944  

And who wants a happy home?  Hello.......all of us!

"Gratitude is a Spirit‑filled principle. It opens our minds to a universe permeated with the richness of a living God. Through it, we become spiritually aware of the wonder of the smallest things, which gladden our hearts with their messages of God's love. This grateful awareness heightens our sensitivity to divine direction. When we communicate gratitude, we can be filled with the Spirit and connected to those around us and the Lord. Gratitude inspires happiness and carries divine influence."  

~Bonnie D. Parkin  2007

By being grateful, we become better people, and the beautiful thing is that it opens us up to receive those things we actually are lacking or desperately needing in our lives!

So here is my idea!

1- Buy yourself a journal, or notebook or stack of paper, and the first assignment is to simply write out exactly what you wish your life could look like.  This is your big chance to vent about all of the things that are lacking in your life, but instead of writing about what you don't have just write up a description of the way you want your life to look!  Include the type of person you wish to be as well.

2 - Find yourself a "Gratitude Buddy", someone who wants to participate in this with you.

3 - Everyday at some point write down at least 5 things you are grateful for that day.  

4- When you say your prayers be sure to give thanks to Heavenly Father for the good things you have noticed during your day!

5 - Once a week email or text your list from the week (up to 20 things) to your Gratitude Buddy, and they should email their list to you.  What this does is hopefully create an energy of optimism in your life.  If you want to, you can email your list to a whole group of people!

6 - At the end of the year look at that first page you wrote, about all of the things you hope for, and see how much closer you are to having that life, and to being that person!!

My guess is that it will "surprise you what the Lord has done"! (Count Your Many Blessings)

We don't need to dwell so much on what is lacking in our lives, or how badly we feel things are going, or the ever popular....I'll be happy when....statements! It seems like we spend too much time discussing all of our problems and disappointments with those around us, which isn't always bad, it is good to have friends to lean on and support us through trials, but what if we shifted our focus off of our lack and placed in on our blessings?  I guarantee our desire to complain will go down, and we will be blessed beyond what we think possible!!

"And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more."  ~Doctrine and Covenants 78:19

So are you with me?