Beautiful For Me

This has been a fun week!  The fun started last weekend when we had a birthday bash for Emilee at my sister's house!  Our hearts were completely filled up with friends and family and festivities!  I'll write a whole post about it tomorrow.

On Sunday we came home from a busy, exciting weekend, and along with fatigue and fun memories, we brought along our niece for a week long stay in the country!

We have kept up a daily routine of snacking, playing, watching movies, doing puzzles, coloring pictures, fighting over toys and tattling!  Then the the nightly ritual of dinner, dance party, bath time, cheese & crackers, bed time stories and then laying little sleepy princesses into their beds for the night.

This morning they were watching a Veggie Tales movie called "Sweet Pea Beauty".  It was playing in the living room while I worked around the house.  I know the message was about working more on our inner beauty and worrying less about they way we look on the outside, but I didn't catch a whole lot of the story.  The thing I did notice was the beautiful song that played during the closing credits.  It made me think of these photos taken on Sunday night at Emilee's birthday dinner with Tyler's family.  Three little faces completely content and excited about life, beaming and beautiful, just as Heavenly Father created them to be!

I can't stand the thought of them ever feeling less than beautiful!  I don't ever want them to look at their sweet little faces and not be able to see what I see in them now.... what I will always see.  It must be so painful for our Heavenly Father to watch his daughters feel less than the "beautiful" he created us to be!  I am working hard to be a better example to my daughters in this way!  I am finally starting to believe that if Heavenly Father didn't think we were beautiful just the way we are, he wouldn't have created us this way.  My new goal is to be beautiful for him!

Someone to love

Isn't love amazing?  I mean really!  I've watched my two girls, from the moment they are old enough to grasp a soft bear or dolly, hold and cuddle and kiss them just as though they knew they were born to love.  Their little caring hearts long to nurture everything soft and warm.

I know some women are more nurturing than others, but the gift of warmth and the need to comfort is innate, and I don't think anything puts a smile on my face faster than seeing love in its purest most organic form.  It is this love from my children that heals me and puts me in my place.  It whispers that there is a God.  A home in a faraway and lovely place, that our babies are sent to remind us of.

Mommy Monster

Emilee has entered a new phase.....a phase of perpetual fear.  Her dreams are vivid and haunting.  Some of them have lingered until real world becomes confused with dream world, and there is no convincing her that everything is going to be alright.

Sure there are plenty of things in the real world that could hurt her, but one so little shouldn't be followed around by worry and fright.  It breaks my heart to watch her lay in her bed trying to be brave with her blanket over her head as not to catch a glimpse of the scary monkey in the closet!! 

I can't help but wonder if all of this fear happens to correlate to my new phase.....the scary grumpy mommy phase.  

During the last few weeks I have had moments and even days that cause me to cringe and hang my head in shame.  Where there should be love, patience and warmth, I have shown up with screeching disapproval and reprimands.  I have snapped at the littlest of things.  I have said no, when I should have, and could have said yes and I have created a home of chaos and disorder with my selfish grumpiness!  No wonder my daughter stays awake at night worrying about all of the most frightening things her little imagination can conjure.  How can I expect her to believe my assurances when they are bumped up against my own fears and anxiety?

Last night after I tucked my precious babies into bed, I slipped away to my own bed and looked for comfort and reassurance in the only place I know how.  I prayed for strength and peace to flow into my heart.  I want to lead my daughters by example, and matching temper tantrum with temper tantrum isn't what I was intending.

I found my strength and peace in these words:

"Children rise higher when they are treated with respect.  Use courteous and respectful language when you talk with one another.  We have always had pretty clear expectations in our home about using respectful language.  One day our little granddaughter had been playing with a friend and came home quite upset about something the friend had said.  Her mother asked her what it was.  She responded, "Well, it's such a bad word I can't say it, but it was shut (point upward)!"

A world famous psychologist, Bruno Bettleheim, said at the age of eighty-four, "You can't teach children to be good.  The best you can do for your child is to live a good life yourself.  What a parent knows and believes, the child will lean on."

You don't teach a child not to hit by hitting.  We cannot expect to be respected if we treat others in demeaning ways."

Marjorie Pay Hinkley 

(one of my favorite ladies)

I know moms get grumpy.....I get that!  I know we work hard and tend to whining children and clean up messes all day.  Sometimes it can be wearing and frustrating!  What I am NOT okay with is seeing myself behave as anything but loving. 

I must say I'm relieved I woke up today!  That I am still breathing!  I'm taking it as a good sign that the Lord still trusts me to love these girls and do better today!

The lady around the corner

Around the corner from my Parents, lives a saint of a woman. She is the sweetest of sweet and as thoughtful as they come. Nearly every family occasion we have, finds her there, like a devoted aunt or cousin, offering help, treats, and a heartwarming compliment or word of encouragement.

She is from Holland, and she speaks with a slight accent.....you know, the accent where the "th" is pronounced more like a "d".

I love this lady around the corner.

She rides around town on a pretty bike with a basket out front. She cheerfully waves as you pass with her enormous dog on a leash and her basket filled with bags from the local grocery.

She is a little bit of Europe and I love a little bit of Europe.

I can't really pin her appeal to anything as silly as a pretty bike with a basket, though they do add to her charm. The real reason she is exceptional in my eyes is her apparent quest for Charity: the pure love of Christ. I am not a part of her inner circle. I do not know her daily struggles, but I do know she handles people with care and sincerity. She has a gift for looking at you and seeing who you REALLY are, not just your silliness and imperfection. Trust me, everyone needs a neighbor like this.

I must admit.....I do want a pretty bike of my own. I want to ride the country roads of my new home town. I want to scatter sunshine, and cheer. I want to handle people with care and sincerity, and most of all, I want to be gifted with Charity, and I want to share it with everybody.

Just like the lady around the corner!

This beautiful photograph is taken from one of my favorite websites Hello My Name is Heather!

The Fairy Blog-Mother

If you have not heard of Stephanie Nielson that probably means you have not read her blog! If you haven't read her blog that might mean you have not been exposed to the beauty that is available to you as a woman.

About a year and a half ago, I was introduced to The NieNie Dialogues. I was smitten. I felt as though I had found a soul sister, someone who shared the dreamy romantic view of life that I held in my heart and soul. I felt freed. I was inspired. I was moved. To focus on the good, and to create the good. That is what NieNie taught me.

I've decided that blogging is powerful and here's why. It is a record of your thoughts, your dreams, your observations. It causes you to focus on the things you desire and the things you believe. You realize your capacity to love, you observe and feel gratitude for the love you receive. It exposes your complexities and simplicities. When you step back and really think about it, your blog is a portrait of yourself...........whoever you are, whatever you are....it is captured and thrown out as a ray of light in the darkness.

Writing is a creation process, but I am starting to believe that it helps in physical creation as well. When you write about life, you allow yourself to imagine something even greater.....as a result greater things come about. I know it has happened in my life. Perhaps it will in yours too!

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

Henry David Thoreau

Color Splash

I am longing for spring! We caught a short glimpse of it during this last week, but woke up to a few inches of snow again this morning!

Bummer.

I know it will return soon though, and I am anxiously looking forward to the leisurely walks with my babies, and camp-outs on the lawn. I'm dreaming of lazy afternoon picnics and warm starlit nights.

I have a gazillion projects up my sleeve that I am itching to start and hope for a few consecutive days of warmth so I can work on them outside!

A couple of weeks ago, I enjoyed a long ride with my Mother-in-law and three of my Sisters-in-law! We were traveling up for another sister's bridal shower, and the trip was filled with the most inspiring and uplifting conversation! It is so easy for me to fall back into my ruts....those ruts I have worn into my soul through years of laziness and bad habits. Even when I feel inspired to improve and change, I always seem to fall back into my rut. But on this day, we talked and discussed and validated each other in that wonderful way only women can do for each other. It was beautiful and meaningful and I really really appreciate and love the family I have married into!

My Mother-in-law made a suggestion to solve one of my problems. She suggested that I keep my kitchen table set with dishes all of the time. I should always have it ready to use for a meal, that way it will be so much harder to cover it up with mail, paperwork, coats, diaper bags, this, that and the other....pretty much rendering it useless for what it was intended for.....meals with family!

I loved her idea, and while I was at Wal-Mart, I found these cheap, but darling plastic dishes that were just perfect, so....I bought them, and yes, they have made all the difference. Not only have they added a splash of color, but a feeling of order....a much needed order. And they have lifted me out of my rut!