I think I can....

When am I going to get it all together? 

I have been trying for my whole lifetime to make the basic things like, exercise, vitamins, prayer, scripture study, going to bed early and rising early, and keeping a clean home into habits and it feels like as soon as I get one going pretty consistently all of the others fall apart.

I'm not looking for perfection, just consistency.  I want to be able to count on myself to do what I say I am going to do....you know? 

I have a short attention span and a slow body, which is a strange combination, because my mind is busy and bustling with ideas and movement, and yet my body lags behind...way behind.  All of the fire inside only appears to be a tiny smolder when observing my daily accomplishments.

I am inpatient with how slow progression can be.  I want to be my best now!

I know I have plenty of emotional weaknesses in the mix, but today I am feeling fully aware of my physical limitations.  I want to be strong, fit, and energetic.....and yet I don't feel like I have the energy to make it happen.  I guess this is when I hit my knees and then do the best I can.  Somehow the Lord always gives me the strength to do what I don't think I can.

A Good Day

Five years ago today I found myself in my cozy bed in a tiny Orem apartment.  I was tired and didn't feel well.  Lying there in the dark I sensed someone enter my room.  It was Tyler, and he softly whispered for me to get up and get dressed and meet him in the living room!

"Whoa, wait......what time is it?", I thought.  "How did you get into my apartment?"  Everything was a swirl of confusion, sickness, and excitement!  It was a Saturday, and not just any Saturday.  It was General Conference Saturday, and I was excited to sleep in, and lazily lounge around the house listening to words of hope and counsel.

I jumped up and dressed in the dark, tried to comb my hair and met Tyler in the living room!  He seemed nervous and excited.  I couldn't say I was unaware of what was going on.  It was a short time before, that I had finally agreed.  It was time for us to be together forever.  We hurried out to his truck and together we started toward the mountains.  He had a back-pack filled with snacks and had even purchased a radio, so we could listen to the first session of conference together on top of squaw peak.  As I mentioned before, I wasn't feeling well, so it didn't take long before I broke down!  I felt horrible.  I knew he had put a lot of thought into his plan and I knew it would all be wonderful, but I just couldn't do it!  The work of hiking and climbing and straining and sweating was more than I could take considering the nausea and headache.  I sobbed, not because of how I was feeling physically, but because of  how I was feeling inside.  The last thing I wanted to do was ruin this important day.

Together we sat on the side of the trail and he held me while I cried.  We went back to the truck and he drove me home.  I remember he was so sweet and so understanding.  The truth was, it didn't matter where it happened.  After our long and emotional journey to this point, it just felt good to have our focus on eternity.

We watched conference together.  I don't really remember all of the details of the day, but I do remember that sometime after 4:00 p.m. we took a drive up Provo canyon and basked in the beauty of a changing season, both literally and figuratively.  This is my favorite time of year and there is nothing like being surrounded by the warmth of Fall kissed mountains!  I was in heaven!

We arrived at Sundance.  We found a place to pull off the road and together we walked up into the trees.  Tyler was nervous and knelt down in the leaves.  A car pulled up a few yards away disturbing our  peace and he quickly jumped to his feet.  We quietly waited until they drove away.  Again he knelt down and took my hands.  He began to speak his emotional request, when quite unexpectedly a man came bursting through the bushes  just a few feet away!  Again Tyler jumped to his feet!  We were both startled and quite surprised and laughed at the timing of the interruptions.  The whole thing was kind of rushed, because Tyler had to be back by 6:00 p.m. for the Priesthood session.

Finally after much distraction and interruption, he asked me the question......and I said YES!

I know his plans for that day included something a little more beautiful and meaningful than what actually transpired, but there is a spot....a beautiful and sacred spot in the golden trees of Sundance where our lives changed, and the days that have passed from that day to this, have brought us more joy and growth than I could have ever hoped for as I stood in that spot.

Today, my heart is filled and bursting with gratitude for a man who has been willing so often to stop on the side of the trail and hold me while I struggle through our journey together.  He has been willing to make alternate plans......plans that have sometimes been different than the original, but more beautiful than either of us could have ever hoped!                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Becoming a Queen

In recent months, I have been fascinated with the idea of becoming. By that, I mean the idea of changing and evolving into my full potential. Into something greater than I currently am.

I have felt a need to find out what I am really doing here. It is my belief that we came from another existence where we were given a choice to come to earth. I believe that promises were made there and assignments were given. We interacted with God. I believe we are His children, and as His children we hold divinity that is beyond our comprehension. Being here on earth is part of a grand plan, the purpose of which, is to unite all of us as one eternal family and allow us the choice to return to our Father in Heaven. I have lived my entire life with these understandings, but I realize that just knowing something doesn’t mean I am really living up to my potential and purpose.

What is it then, that must be done for me to become who and what I am meant to be? Is it more about changing myself, or is it more about remembering myself? Most likely some of both.

Because these things have been on my mind a lot lately, it feels like I am at the beginning of my journey, but if I look back at my life thus far, I find that I have been on the journey all along. Becoming is simply about choices. Every choice we make sends us down the path of becoming. The question is what am I becoming?

Am I on the path to my full potential? Or am I wandering around, lost, confused, and focused on things that are nothing more than distractions.

I want to become who I am supposed to be. That is what I have decided for myself, and hopefully my choices will reflect that more often than not. Fulfilling my purpose is a very personal and sacred path, but I am all about working together to make things happen, and I’d like to include anyone and everyone who would like to help. In return I’d like to help anyone I can.

Because of all of this I have started a new blog Becoming a Queen. Through this blog I am going to share what I feel are crucial elements in this process. My hope is that others will help and contribute. I would love to interview others who are on this same quest, and who may have insight that will help me on my journey. I am excited to learn and...become.

Bacon Brownies, Elephants, Fireworks and a 5K

My 4th of July weekend was wonderful! It was a good ol' fashioned memory making weekend......and I loved everything single second.

One of the highlights was the bacon brownie. Amber brought it back from her business trip to NYC, and as I was eating it, I thought how funny it is that I would be eating a dense chocolate treat laced with caramelized bacon. Who comes up with this stuff? It is choices like this that give clarity to my "battle of the bulge". I do have a serious thing for chocolate and I am in deep trouble when there is bacon around, but to indulge in both at once, and admit that I actually thought it tasted good.......well, think I might need help!

This was going to be the weekend where weakness and triumph would embrace and be friendly, for my sake and for the sake of family.......This was the weekend of the much anticipated 5K. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

We kicked off our celebration of independence with a trip to the zoo! Which is kind of funny......celebrating our freedom and independence by watching a bunch of animals trapped in cages lay around eating veggies and picking lice out of each others hair. Oh but it was fun! Accompanying us on our adventure would be the lovely Marnae , the beautiful Bethany, the gorgeous Tynett and all of their handsome husbands! It was bound to be a good time! Unfortunately Emilee got sick on the ride up, and emptied her breakfast all over her shirt and skirt ensemble, so we did our best to give her a quick wet wipe bath, and set off in nothing but a pull-up and a hogle zoo souvenir t-shirt, courtesy of Nett and Adam (thank you). It wasn't long before her upset tummy was a thing of the past, and nothing but monkeys, tigers and elephants were in view. She ran here, and bounced over there.....snakes, penguins, giraffes.......and more monkeys! It was a two year old dream come true! Like I said, we loved every single second!


After a few hours at the zoo, we headed to a local park for a picnic. We ate sandwiches, home-made salsa, and fresh fruit. The weather was absolutely beautiful, almost a little chilly even. Perfect for napping, and relaxing. After the picnic we stopped by Nett and Adam's new apartment to check it out (very nice by the way), then we headed off for Springville.

That night we did the traditional eat snacks and watch fireworks. I must say it was magical, being there, watching Emilee and Adeline soak it all in. There is something so satisfying about passing on traditions, and seeing that same childhood joy you experienced in your own children as they feel the magic and excitement.

I must say my favorite 4th of July tradition is the when the fighter jets fly over the city. Seeing them race overhead fills me up completely with a combination of love, gratitude, patriotism and a sudden desire to watch Top Gun......okay, I'm kind of kidding about the Top Gun part. It gets me teary every time.

Sunday evening Tyler's sisters and husbands joined my family for a bbq at my parent's house. It was fun being surrounded by so much family. My grandma Wheeler was there as well. My favorite part was watching Emilee do the sparklers that night.


The grand finale to the perfect weekend, was our attempt at our first 5K! On Monday morning bright and early Tyler, my dad and I gathered with thousands of people in Provo Utah for the Freedom Run. We got to run down the parade route and it was so much fun! We were slow......and I mean slow. As we headed up 9th east, I started to curse the bacon brownie, and every other thing that keeps me trapped in my plumpness......why......WHY? I am too weak to resist, and a little too chubby and out of shape to really "run", so here I am shuffling and gasping for breath on the uphill wondering why I ever agreed to do this. The wondering only lasted a few minutes until I rounded the corner and saw the finish line. At that point my dad took off and I tried to pick up my shuffle until at last I crossed that line and crossed one of my goals off the proverbial list.

I did it!

I finished a 5K. And surprisingly, I can't wait to do the next one!

I kind of rushed through and left out so many details of our weekend, but I'm quite sure it was one of the best 4th of July weekends I've ever had.

Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness........How did I get so blessed?!