I am a Fighter

Fighting for my family.

Fighting for peace of mind.

Fighting for truth.

Fighting for clear perspective.

Fighting for a pure heart and clean hands.

Fighting for order.

Fighting for light.

Fighting for love.

Fighting to become who I was created to be.

Sailing

I feel myself sinking and rising, sinking and rising.

Like a little sail boat pushed out to sea, straining to angle herself against the wind.  

I get caught up in this crew of internal and external voices shouting above the wind, calling out orders, pulling and hoisting.  It is frantic... this movement inside and out.  Everything working toward a common goal.  A direction.  

A destination.

My breath always catches in that moment just before the sail is set and the mighty wind and this tiny vessel become one.  It never ceases to amaze me how quickly chaos turns to peace and power. With a roaring rip like thunder, the sails expand, the course is set, and off she goes. 

This little boat is pointed, moving swiftly to her home.

Love Letters to My Life

I've really neglected my blog this year (obviously) but a piece of my heart has ached to return to this familiar place.

The need to come back and scroll through old posts and photos.  

A need to remember. 

As I read my thoughts and looked at the images of my life as it used to be, I felt so grateful!  I could see how far we've come, but also how much more complicated things have become.  I missed the simplicity, but appreciated the new adventures we are currently facing.

There is a lot of awareness to be gained in keeping a record of life.  It pleases me so completely to know that life has been, and will be beautiful in every phase.  "Beautiful" isn't always pretty mind you...things can and will be messy and painful, but I've found it's in the looking back (sometimes from a distance), that we are finally able to see a more complete picture and purpose in the madness.  A chaos touched by divinity!

When you have evidence...a record of some sort...it is easy to see how gradually you've become who you were always meant to be!

*image*

Cardigan Empire

It has been over a month since I was featured on Cardigan Empire, and I totally forgot to post it on my own blog!  Sheesh, I must be distracted by a million other equally awesome things. 

So even though it's old news, I'd love for you to follow this link and check out Reachel's beautiful blog and support her weekly celebration of beauty!

*image*

Happy Birthday to Me

Today I complete my 33rd year of life, and I must say that right here in the middle of life; you know....the day to day of things, it often appears to be nothing more than a bunch of squiggly lines and random flecks of color splashed around all messy and out of order.  Thankfully, over the years I have been able to step back from the chaos only to find that all of those lines and flecks actually make up something incredible. A bigger picture that makes perfect sense. 

Of course pain has been present through the years, drumming on my heart with its rapid beat of growth, and yet I have lived moment after beautiful moment wondering how God could possibly be so good to me.

Obviously He knows my heart.

He knows exactly what to do to make my life beautiful and meaningful, and in my constant quest of faith through fear, He has always shown me that He is there with this generous gift of life, and all it has in store.

I love that we celebrate the day we are born!  The beginning of our story, and every chapter along the way!

I think I can....

When am I going to get it all together? 

I have been trying for my whole lifetime to make the basic things like, exercise, vitamins, prayer, scripture study, going to bed early and rising early, and keeping a clean home into habits and it feels like as soon as I get one going pretty consistently all of the others fall apart.

I'm not looking for perfection, just consistency.  I want to be able to count on myself to do what I say I am going to do....you know? 

I have a short attention span and a slow body, which is a strange combination, because my mind is busy and bustling with ideas and movement, and yet my body lags behind...way behind.  All of the fire inside only appears to be a tiny smolder when observing my daily accomplishments.

I am inpatient with how slow progression can be.  I want to be my best now!

I know I have plenty of emotional weaknesses in the mix, but today I am feeling fully aware of my physical limitations.  I want to be strong, fit, and energetic.....and yet I don't feel like I have the energy to make it happen.  I guess this is when I hit my knees and then do the best I can.  Somehow the Lord always gives me the strength to do what I don't think I can.

I'm back......

.....and I feel like I just woke up from a night of no sleep! I look like it too!  The last month or so has been a whirlwind of emotion, change, experience and growth!  I might be exhausted, but I am exhausted and happy!

Previous to my "Blog Fast", I challenged myself to go for 40 days without any sweets.  During that time, I found I really didn't need chocolate as much as I always thought I did.

Blogs, however; are an entirely different craving for me.  I realize that I crave information, connection, creativity, and good writing!  I love learning about other people's lives, interests, aspirations and accomplishments.  Blogs inspire me!  I have missed them.

In their absence though, I have learned that I have a big problem with balance.  Learning to enjoy all things in moderation is a big deal to me, but right now I am not very good at it.  I have also learned that I tend to go unconscious at times, turning to outside sources to avoid fully living my own life.  I am not fully present in every moment.  I realized this, when I was finding myself spending too much time reading, or watching movies when I couldn't turn to the blogs I usually escape to.  Why would I do this?  I don't know!  I have a beautiful life filled with love and purpose and yet I seem to keep myself at a distance from everything I love.  Hmmm....interesting.

I am learning to be more aware of who I am and how I am spending my time.  I am trying not to judge myself....just observe and notice.  During the last 40 days, a lot of wonderful new things have happened.  My life is headed in a new and exciting direction, and I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for giving me such an abundant and full life!  It's my choice to accept it though.  I think the Lord is offering all of us every good thing we desire.....we just have to ask for it and then make the choice to take it!

I highly recommend sacrificing something you might be holding on to a little too tightly.  Stretch yourself.  Take the time to step back and look at your life and behavior a little more closely.  I promise the Lord will show you the parts that need to be let go of, and the best part, is he will replace those parts with the thing you really want......happiness!

Blog Stalkers Annonymous

I know I don't write on my own blog very regularly, but I'm what you might call "blog obsessed".  I could read other people's blogs all day everyday and quite honestly (and unfortunately), sometimes I do.  Food blogs, design blogs, mommy blogs, lifestyle blogs....blogs.....blogs....blogs......ahhhhh!  I love them....I love them and I need them! 

(Hanging my head) It's true..I am an addict.

It is becoming disturbingly clear that while I love and adore my babies and long to squeeze and kiss my husband, my heart (at least a significant piece of it) is almost always somewhere in the blogosphere and not here in my  home with my family where it belongs.  

As with any addiction, my blog reading has robbed me of time and slowly taken over my life.  When other people are using the computer I get antsy waiting for my turn to log in and see if NieNie has updated or what C. Jane has to say or what's cookin' with the Pioneer Woman.  It's good stuff I tell ya.....all of it!  And I must read it....every.....single.....bit of it, or I don't feel like my life is complete.

Weird.  Sad.  Pathetic.  Embarrassing.  I don't know exactly what the right word for it is, but it is time to take my life back, and so I am making my own "Blog Intervention".  I will be abstaining from all blogs, including my own and FaceBook  for 40 days.  I will only be using the computer to do banking and check my emails and things like that.  

Phew.  This is tough.  

What will I do with myself? Get something productive done for a change? Maybe complete some projects, organize my home and work more on my dreams and goals and spirituality.  What if my marriage improves and I read to my children more.....what then?  Am I going to be able to handle a life where I am the one creating and living and loving rather than reading about other people doing it?  In 40 days I'll come back and let you know!

One of my favorite scriptures says, "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." (Matthew 6:1)

My family is my treasure, and it's funny how quickly we can become distracted and out of balance if we are not careful.  All things in their proper place....that is where I am headed.  Fully invested.  Available.  Present.

The blog break starts tomorrow!  Wish me luck!

A Life Near The Sea

Howard and Haroldene live near the sea, in a perfectly charming blue house with blue walls, and even a blue hard wood floor.  Surrounded by rose bushes and knick-knacks and walls lined with books and photo albums, you can't help but feel the history and stories that make up their beautiful life together.

 Their faithful companion, Rosie, scurries about under foot and excitedly greets us with heavy panting and rough doggy kisses.  

My girls are in heaven.....and so am I.  

It is our first time meeting this part of our family.  Tyler has told us of their wit and chemistry......how together they make the perfect couple.....the perfect grandparents.  The type who dote on you and make you feel like the most lovable creature in all the world.  Being there in their presence only proved him right.

Emilee collapses in slumber on a nearby chair, completely worn out from our travels and adventures, as the rest of us enjoy a slide show.  You know, with the slide projector and one of those old white screens.  It is absolutely perfect!  Each slide that flashes by paints the picture of grandma's dream.   

To live in a look out tower on a mountain top.  

As the story goes, she took a job in her fifties, for the forest service at a forest fire look out.  She and her dog Maggie lived on the mountain every summer for ten years, and grandpa would visit on the weekends.  Grandma was good at her job, and living a dream made everything magic.  A tiny cabin perched on a cliff, equipped with wood burning stove, the perfect mountain view and dotted with vases full of wild flowers.  It was her home....and she made it her own.  Everything was more beautiful because she had been there.

I smiled, listening to them talk over each other, hastily trying to include every detail, then grandpa would apologize for interrupting and both would sit in silence for a moment waiting for the other to finish the story. They were so proud of their life together and the things they accomplished were important to us, because they were important to them.

Their stories made me cherish my own.  It made me realize that my life is the story I will someday tell my grandchildren and great grandchildren.  

Grandma's health has been failing in the last few years, and as a result Grandpa has taken over all of the household duties.  Watching him take care of his sweetheart was so touching.  It was evident that their years together had forged a love for her in his heart that was real and deep and long suffering.  On the first night we were there I came into the kitchen to dish some dinner up for Tyler.  Grandpa quickly thanked me for "taking care of my guy", reminding me that when we love someone we must serve them.  His example taught me this more than anything he could ever say.

As we backed out of their drive way on a Friday afternoon, the image of them sending us on our way, filled me up completely.  I knew I had been given something valuable.  I had been tutored in love and encouraged by a wisdom greater than my own.  I think I saw more clearly the value of family and how we are all in this together!

Grandma and Grandpa,

I loved sharing a small part of your life near the sea!  Everything about our visit inspired love and restored the magic of adventure in me!  You showed me what it means to be generous and inspired me to take care of everyone and everything around me.  Thank you for all of the gifts you give.

I'll love you forever and ever.

~Michelle

Once upon an All Hallow's Eve

The year was 1999, and I was partying it up before the new millennium arrived and the world ended, computers crashed and chaos ensued....or whatever such things we were all convinced would happen!  

Partying is a term I'm using quite loosely here though, because instead of dancing on tables and lifting drinks into the air in the throes of youthful rebellion, I was at the mall buying conservative skirt and shirt combos, sensible dressy walking shoes, and toiletries galore.  I was packing bags, tying up loose ends, and preparing to make a mark on the world....... in my own little way!  

I was going to be a missionary, and my party was a going away party.

For a year and a half I would be gone.  Gone from home and family.  Gone from television, music, shopping and hanging with friends.  In the absence of familiarity I would come to know the real purpose of life, the essence of our day to day existence, the greatest source of earthly joy.  

Love and service.  

Love of God, through service to his children.  This, my friends, is the sure route to real happiness.

And so, on October 31st 1999 I spoke my farewell to a congregation of fellow believers.  The faces of my most loved and cherished beamed up at me in acceptance of my meager offering to the world.  While the rest of the world celebrated with costumes and candy, we celebrated with family and friends.

I've decided that the real trick to growing up or gracefully maturing, is simply treating yourself to things that will give you the greatest experience!

Don't be scared of what YOU have to offer the world! No matter how small it feels....Let it shine!

Funny Feet

When I turned 8 years old, my Dad was away at Basic Training somewhere in the Southern United States!  I missed him, and it felt like forever since I had seen him.

We spent most of the summer, while he was gone, in Garrison on my Grandma and Grandpa's ranch!  It was magic!!  Hours and hours spent outdoors, wandering, exploring, and pretending!  Playing with cousins and enjoying the freedom of childhood!

I knew that when I turned 8, it would be time for me to be baptized.  I knew this was a big deal and there was still so much for me to learn and understand about the promises I would soon be making.

I was a happy child on one hand, but I was also a worrier, I felt even at my young age, that I had a lot of things to repent of......dark and serious things.  A lot of it stemmed from fears and emotions related to things I wrote about in THIS POST.  Along with my worries, I also struggled with a lot of insecurity.

I wanted to be baptized by my father, so I waited until he returned, and on a beautiful October day I stood with my Dad, both of us dressed in white.  Now, being a Mother myself, I can imagine the feelings my parents must have felt that day.  I imagine they felt in awe at how fast the years had gone by and how quickly I had grown.

I was recently asked what I remembered about my baptism day.  I know it was a beautiful and important day.  I remember feeling so clean and shiny.  I remember a feeling of sweetness and satisfaction when I was confirmed.  The thing I remember the most though, is how I hid my feet under the pew as I listened to the talks, for fear of someone noticing my funny looking feet!  WHAT?  What 8 year old child is worried about what their feet look like?

I was.

I don't know all of the reasons I felt ugly at such a young age.  It breaks my heart to think of my little self carrying such feelings of guilt, and embarrassment about my body.  I am still trying to work through those issues, all these years later.  The good news is, that on that October day so many years ago, I was touched by the power of the Atonement.  I was given a gift of comfort and companionship, a voice of reason in a dark world.  I knew without a doubt that I was known and loved by an all powerful and very personal Father in Heaven.

I wanted to be wherever that love was.  I wanted to find that place of safety, light, and happiness.

God has been so good to me, because even as I write this, I realize I am there.  I have so much to be grateful for!

Little Ballerina

I think I have found my new mantra!

"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

*George Eliot*

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't become a dancer?  I love to dance.  When I was a little girl, I used to pretend I was a ballerina. I would move my tiny arms in graceful movements. I would dip and twirl and daintily prance around the house.

Then I grew up, and I used to live for the weekend institute dances! The music was a call I could not ignore and the dance floor was my stage.  No one was watching, and it wasn't about attention.  It was about expression and it felt so good to move, and laugh, and live it up!!
 Now I hesitate to move my body that way and I can't quite figure it out.  I think it might be due to the extra pounds weighing me down.  It could be that I don't feel like myself anymore, and because of the embarrassment I feel for my bigger body, I've allowed areas of my heart and soul to wither away.  Parts that used to make me happy!

There are other things too, like...
Why didn't I ever try out for a play in high school, or stick with violin, or flute or guitar?  Why didn't I ever tell certain boys that I "liked" them?

Why wasn't I more generous, kind, outgoing and adventurous?  What could my life have been like?  What would I be like now?

I've wondered that from time to time.

I can't imagine God placing time limits and expiration dates on His dreams and goals.  Who knows how "old" he was when he created you.....or me.  I'm pretty sure he doesn't place limits on ours either.  That is usually our own doing.

I know this little ballerina is somewhere inside of me, even now.  And when I've found the love inside that doesn't judge my size, shape, age and limitations...

...I hope she'll dance again!

A Good Day

Five years ago today I found myself in my cozy bed in a tiny Orem apartment.  I was tired and didn't feel well.  Lying there in the dark I sensed someone enter my room.  It was Tyler, and he softly whispered for me to get up and get dressed and meet him in the living room!

"Whoa, wait......what time is it?", I thought.  "How did you get into my apartment?"  Everything was a swirl of confusion, sickness, and excitement!  It was a Saturday, and not just any Saturday.  It was General Conference Saturday, and I was excited to sleep in, and lazily lounge around the house listening to words of hope and counsel.

I jumped up and dressed in the dark, tried to comb my hair and met Tyler in the living room!  He seemed nervous and excited.  I couldn't say I was unaware of what was going on.  It was a short time before, that I had finally agreed.  It was time for us to be together forever.  We hurried out to his truck and together we started toward the mountains.  He had a back-pack filled with snacks and had even purchased a radio, so we could listen to the first session of conference together on top of squaw peak.  As I mentioned before, I wasn't feeling well, so it didn't take long before I broke down!  I felt horrible.  I knew he had put a lot of thought into his plan and I knew it would all be wonderful, but I just couldn't do it!  The work of hiking and climbing and straining and sweating was more than I could take considering the nausea and headache.  I sobbed, not because of how I was feeling physically, but because of  how I was feeling inside.  The last thing I wanted to do was ruin this important day.

Together we sat on the side of the trail and he held me while I cried.  We went back to the truck and he drove me home.  I remember he was so sweet and so understanding.  The truth was, it didn't matter where it happened.  After our long and emotional journey to this point, it just felt good to have our focus on eternity.

We watched conference together.  I don't really remember all of the details of the day, but I do remember that sometime after 4:00 p.m. we took a drive up Provo canyon and basked in the beauty of a changing season, both literally and figuratively.  This is my favorite time of year and there is nothing like being surrounded by the warmth of Fall kissed mountains!  I was in heaven!

We arrived at Sundance.  We found a place to pull off the road and together we walked up into the trees.  Tyler was nervous and knelt down in the leaves.  A car pulled up a few yards away disturbing our  peace and he quickly jumped to his feet.  We quietly waited until they drove away.  Again he knelt down and took my hands.  He began to speak his emotional request, when quite unexpectedly a man came bursting through the bushes  just a few feet away!  Again Tyler jumped to his feet!  We were both startled and quite surprised and laughed at the timing of the interruptions.  The whole thing was kind of rushed, because Tyler had to be back by 6:00 p.m. for the Priesthood session.

Finally after much distraction and interruption, he asked me the question......and I said YES!

I know his plans for that day included something a little more beautiful and meaningful than what actually transpired, but there is a spot....a beautiful and sacred spot in the golden trees of Sundance where our lives changed, and the days that have passed from that day to this, have brought us more joy and growth than I could have ever hoped for as I stood in that spot.

Today, my heart is filled and bursting with gratitude for a man who has been willing so often to stop on the side of the trail and hold me while I struggle through our journey together.  He has been willing to make alternate plans......plans that have sometimes been different than the original, but more beautiful than either of us could have ever hoped!                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Just Imagine

Isn't childhood fascinating? Being little in a world that is so big, seeing so many things for the first time? I wish I could remember how it all felt.

It's not that we come to earth as clean slates. We've existed forever. But because of forgetfulness, we are rediscovering things, and because of this mortal life....we are learning to manage a body and figuring out how to enjoy this physical world.

As a mother, I get to be a witness to this discovery, and I must say......It is beautiful to behold!

Imagining you are something bigger, better and more capable is all a part of childhood. In all this complexity of a forgetful spirit in a tiny body there is so much power and determination. We come to this earth full of it! It shoots from our beaming little faces and our shiny little eyes. We have been sent here with a mission.....a message from God. We can feel it just bubbling out of our fingers and toes in crazy bursts of energy. We come eager to fulfill the plan.

We are never more alive than we are as a child.

Becoming a Queen

In recent months, I have been fascinated with the idea of becoming. By that, I mean the idea of changing and evolving into my full potential. Into something greater than I currently am.

I have felt a need to find out what I am really doing here. It is my belief that we came from another existence where we were given a choice to come to earth. I believe that promises were made there and assignments were given. We interacted with God. I believe we are His children, and as His children we hold divinity that is beyond our comprehension. Being here on earth is part of a grand plan, the purpose of which, is to unite all of us as one eternal family and allow us the choice to return to our Father in Heaven. I have lived my entire life with these understandings, but I realize that just knowing something doesn’t mean I am really living up to my potential and purpose.

What is it then, that must be done for me to become who and what I am meant to be? Is it more about changing myself, or is it more about remembering myself? Most likely some of both.

Because these things have been on my mind a lot lately, it feels like I am at the beginning of my journey, but if I look back at my life thus far, I find that I have been on the journey all along. Becoming is simply about choices. Every choice we make sends us down the path of becoming. The question is what am I becoming?

Am I on the path to my full potential? Or am I wandering around, lost, confused, and focused on things that are nothing more than distractions.

I want to become who I am supposed to be. That is what I have decided for myself, and hopefully my choices will reflect that more often than not. Fulfilling my purpose is a very personal and sacred path, but I am all about working together to make things happen, and I’d like to include anyone and everyone who would like to help. In return I’d like to help anyone I can.

Because of all of this I have started a new blog Becoming a Queen. Through this blog I am going to share what I feel are crucial elements in this process. My hope is that others will help and contribute. I would love to interview others who are on this same quest, and who may have insight that will help me on my journey. I am excited to learn and...become.

The lady around the corner

Around the corner from my Parents, lives a saint of a woman. She is the sweetest of sweet and as thoughtful as they come. Nearly every family occasion we have, finds her there, like a devoted aunt or cousin, offering help, treats, and a heartwarming compliment or word of encouragement.

She is from Holland, and she speaks with a slight accent.....you know, the accent where the "th" is pronounced more like a "d".

I love this lady around the corner.

She rides around town on a pretty bike with a basket out front. She cheerfully waves as you pass with her enormous dog on a leash and her basket filled with bags from the local grocery.

She is a little bit of Europe and I love a little bit of Europe.

I can't really pin her appeal to anything as silly as a pretty bike with a basket, though they do add to her charm. The real reason she is exceptional in my eyes is her apparent quest for Charity: the pure love of Christ. I am not a part of her inner circle. I do not know her daily struggles, but I do know she handles people with care and sincerity. She has a gift for looking at you and seeing who you REALLY are, not just your silliness and imperfection. Trust me, everyone needs a neighbor like this.

I must admit.....I do want a pretty bike of my own. I want to ride the country roads of my new home town. I want to scatter sunshine, and cheer. I want to handle people with care and sincerity, and most of all, I want to be gifted with Charity, and I want to share it with everybody.

Just like the lady around the corner!

This beautiful photograph is taken from one of my favorite websites Hello My Name is Heather!

Good Morning Sunshine

Most mornings Tyler gets out of bed first. When the morning cry sounds from the room across the hall, he's the one to rescue our little ladies from their slumber, and whisk them off for some sweet daddy-daughter time before work, which means I usually get to steal a few more minutes of sleep!

Mornings are not my thing.

Before marrying me, Tyler had grand visions of us arising early, me at the stove, preparing a warm breakfast to send him on his way, my face all aglow with love and the warmth of the rising sun.

Boy, did I ever disappoint.

Most mornings you'll find me tossing in our bed, inwardly screaming...nooooooooo! I can't go on!

It is sad....so very, very sad.

I'll admit I had grand visions too! I've always wanted to be a morning person, but I struggle.

I love the comfort of my comforter. I adore the sweetness of my sheets. I long to linger on my pillow. To go on, or not to go on......that is always the question!

This is just another area where I need to change. Uggg! You know that old adage....early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise? Well, I really don't want to be left out of all that sweet action!! Health? Wealth? Wisdom? Yes please!!!

Oh the price! Can I afford it?

Hmmmmm..........it looks like it's time to stop spending my energy account on late night netflix, because, darn it all........It really is leaving me broke in the morning.

Running out of time!

These shoes are made for running,

and that's just what they'll do.

One of these days these shoes are gonna run a mile or two!
(Or hopefully 3.1 on July 5th)

Wish me luck!

Digging In

The other day while I was out digging in the garden I thought of my dad. I thought of him puttering around his yard (he is a senior citizen you know, and puttering is what he does in his old age. *wink). I thought of him working in his garden.

I love my dad.

He is trying to figure out this life just like the rest of us. I realize the older I get that he is just a man.....an imperfect man.......but he is wise. He is the kind of dad who knows the answers to most everything. Something about that makes me feel safe.

For some reason I am really longing to sit down and talk with him, just like we have done so many times during my life. I want to ask him some serious questions. I want to hear his answers.

I had a short conversation with my mother-in-law on Sunday in the hall of our tiny church house. She mentioned something about how the next 15 years of my life I will change and age, but I will not appear a whole lot different than I am now, however; in the passing of those same 15 years, she will enter her 70's. For her everything will be different. She was speaking more of the physical changes, but it made me think about how much potential for inward change is waiting in those 15 years.

Time is passing. I wonder if I'm allowing it change me for good.

The scriptures tell us that now is the time to prepare to meet God, and yet I act like that day will never come. When you are preparing for something important, you don't just lie around in your PJ's surfing the internet eating cold cereal while your children scream through the house.

No, you focus on what is coming, you plan for it. You study it out. If it is something you really want, you do what it takes to get it.

I have been praying and pondering a lot about who I am. What did I covenant to do in this life? Am I doing it?

Do any of you wonder about these things?

This is a pivotal year in my life! At some point we all hear the call to change.....to leave behind our childish things and grow up. Why is it so dang hard to grow up?

My heart is being tilled up, raked over and prepared for a new start. Just like our little tomato "starts" we plant each year, it may go through a period of transition. During this time the young plant is trying to take root in its new home. It struggles to survive. It gets exposed to the hot sun and the strong wind and often times looks like giving up, but most of the time it does not. It digs in.....deep, and holds on tight. It chooses to fulfill its purpose and it becomes fruitful.

Somehow.....I know I can do the same.

*photo taken from Country Gardens Magazine

Plumperoni

Okay....this is me.

Well actually this was me about three years ago, but this is a shot of me at the height of my plumpness and glory.

I am learning to embrace my soft squishiness, but it is not really the look I want to sport for the rest of my life.

Though I believe that it is important to be happy right where you are....in your current state, I do not believe we should ever be completely satisfied with our current state. Dissatisfaction initiates progression and creativity and I am at a point where progression and creativity are needed and welcome!

I am on a journey of self reclamation! I am not going to settle any longer for the lower version of myself that I have befriended for many many years. In fact I don't really know if befriended is the right word for it, because speaking ill of, lying to, and mistreating someone isn't friendly at all! The truth is I've been belittling myself for far too long!!

There is a mighty obstacle in the way though.

Food.

I love food!! And when I say love, I'm talking a capital L-O-V-E. That coupled with any emotional baggage I'm hanging on to makes for a long shot at permanent weight loss. So.....here it goes. I'll be testing some new ideas and techniques I've got up my sleeve.

I'll let you know how it goes!