Beautiful For Me

This has been a fun week!  The fun started last weekend when we had a birthday bash for Emilee at my sister's house!  Our hearts were completely filled up with friends and family and festivities!  I'll write a whole post about it tomorrow.

On Sunday we came home from a busy, exciting weekend, and along with fatigue and fun memories, we brought along our niece for a week long stay in the country!

We have kept up a daily routine of snacking, playing, watching movies, doing puzzles, coloring pictures, fighting over toys and tattling!  Then the the nightly ritual of dinner, dance party, bath time, cheese & crackers, bed time stories and then laying little sleepy princesses into their beds for the night.

This morning they were watching a Veggie Tales movie called "Sweet Pea Beauty".  It was playing in the living room while I worked around the house.  I know the message was about working more on our inner beauty and worrying less about they way we look on the outside, but I didn't catch a whole lot of the story.  The thing I did notice was the beautiful song that played during the closing credits.  It made me think of these photos taken on Sunday night at Emilee's birthday dinner with Tyler's family.  Three little faces completely content and excited about life, beaming and beautiful, just as Heavenly Father created them to be!

I can't stand the thought of them ever feeling less than beautiful!  I don't ever want them to look at their sweet little faces and not be able to see what I see in them now.... what I will always see.  It must be so painful for our Heavenly Father to watch his daughters feel less than the "beautiful" he created us to be!  I am working hard to be a better example to my daughters in this way!  I am finally starting to believe that if Heavenly Father didn't think we were beautiful just the way we are, he wouldn't have created us this way.  My new goal is to be beautiful for him!

We all have a part in the Christmas Story

Here is a little Christmas poem I wrote for my Primary kids!

To live a life as pure and clean as little Jesus did, 

is hard to do for me and you,

we make mistakes and sin.

But when we make a promise to take upon his name--

to hear his charge to change our hearts, 

and let his spirit in....

we will shine as brightly as the star on Christmas night,

and guide all those around us to his pure and perfect light.

And like the holy angels, who sang about his birth,

we can tell the story of his coming to the earth.

We can kneel before him, as the lowly shepherds did,

and give our hearts and all we have

like the wise men gave their gifts.

We were not there that holy night, to hear the angels sing.

But we're here NOW to share the LOVE of our

Savior, Lord and King!!

The Christmas Grump!

I was really  grouchy on Christmas day this year!  I just couldn't get into the fun and excitement.  I tried, but my heart was somewhere far away.  I felt like I wanted to burst out bawling and throw myself into bed for the remainder of the day.  I was completely lonely in a house filled with people I love and I felt like there was no one who could understand how I was feeling.

I felt burdened with weird emotions, frustrations, annoyances and hard feelings that I just couldn't shake.  The more I felt them, the angrier I got with myself for feeling so weird and for choosing Christmas day, of all days to throw my inner pity party.  It was a lame party....let me tell ya.

Just the night before I had made a personal commitment to be more grateful for all of the good and "not so good" in my life, and here I was, already feeling sorry for myself and finding it most difficult to be happy on the happiest day of the year!

Tyler dropped me off at home in the afternoon to put the girls down for their naps, and then he quickly returned to his parent's house to play games and hang out with his family!  I was trying my hardest to hold all of my emotions down, just waiting to let them burst after he shut the door, but he paused on his way out to thank me for the Christmas gift I had given him this year (which was very sweet of him), and I couldn't hold it in for another second and burst into tears!  I wouldn't even accept his offer for a hug and just told him to go.

I had a good, hard, deep cry letting out all of my sadness and bitterness.  Sadness and bitterness that had a million origins. I didn't even know all of it existed until then.  When I look back at it, I can see that it had been building up for a long time, little aches and pains in my heart that I didn't really know what to do with, so I'd just grit my teeth and try not to lash out in anger.

After my cry I just sat on the couch thinking about how I was feeling.  Why was everything hurting me like it was?  I still don't know for sure.  What I do know is that sometimes life hurts....it just does.  People are imperfect and we ourselves are imperfect, and sometimes our expectations don't line up with the desires and behavior of others.  People hurt us without even meaning to, and the unfortunate truth is some people are just a little too selfish.  It's all okay though, because we are learning.  We are all in need of repentance and forgiveness and on that day when we celebrated the birth of our Savior, I realized once again, just what he means to me.  How constantly I need him, and how all of the sadness and bitterness he took upon himself, was to allow me the choice to leave it with him, and not have to carry it all on my own.

Truly something to celebrate!

Hungry for Sand

For me, the coast is magical, and I think I know the magic my girls felt as they ran barefoot on the beach, dug their tiny fingers in the cool sand and gathered sea shells, sticks and rocks in their tight little fists and bulging pockets.

They ran, skipped, waddled, jumped, twirled, splashed and reveled in the grandeur and magnificence of the world around them.

Rewind to my twentieth birthday. The day I entered a new decade of life, I also boarded a plane and flew to Los Angeles to be a nanny!  It was there where I fell in love with the beach and the wind and the waves!  During that year we lived in Vancouver BC for a short time.  On a day off, we took a day trip to the near by mountains!  We rode a gondola up.....higher and higher until everything was covered in a thick white snow!  The soft white made everything feel slow and quiet.  As we stepped off the gondola, we stepped into a winter wonderland!  Children were bundled in mittens and snow caps.  They laughed and chased each other around on a small ice skating pond.  A horse drawn carriage brimming with rosy cheeked faces trotted through the trees.  There was skiing, sledding, and a beautiful mountain lodge to escape the wintry nip and warm yourself with a huge mug of hot chocolate.  It was a scene from a Norman Rockwell calendar.  Complete perfection.

At the conclusion of our afternoon in the clouds we worked our way back to the valley and ended our day on the beach.  My young heart pounded as I stood face to face with the crashing waves. The cold wind sent my hair whipping out behind me free and wild.  All of us held hands and screamed into ocean, something we often did together.  It was therapeutic, and in the end always turned into laughter.  On that day I felt so small in a big world.  I knew I was small, but I also knew I was an important part of this big picture!!  I felt like the Grinch with a heart that grew and grew until it would burst.  I wasn't a Grinch....just a changed person.   I had a new love for the world I lived in.  That day I grew hungry for sand and waves and trees and mountains and worlds within this world that I had not yet seen.  

A traveler was born.

Our trip to the Oregon coast reawakened this sense of wonder and awe at the creation God offered as our home.  We are lucky.....so lucky.

Our days on the beach were magic.  The warmth and sun and cool breeze in November where so unusual and I took it as a big "I love you" from a generous Father in Heaven.  

As we wandered the small trail away from the shore, Emilee whispered in my ear...."Mama, I'm hungry for sand".  I smiled.

A traveler is born.

You said Yes

The other day Tyler was chatting with Emilee on the living room floor.  They were talking about the temple, and Tyler asked, "What do you remember about Mommy and Daddy's wedding?  I'm sure you were there."  She casually looked over at him and smiled.  "You said yes."

We looked at each other in disbelief!  In the temple you say YES instead of I DO!  She was right.....we did say yes!

I like to think that our unborn children are allowed to witness our weddings!  What an awesome celebration it must be for them, knowing that we've made the commitment that will bring them into the world!

This conversation reminded me of a dream I had years ago!  It was one of the most vivid and real dreams I have ever had!  I kind of suspect that it was more than a dream......a memory perhaps?  In this dream I was there that rainy October day in 1977 to witness the wedding of my parents!  I saw them walking out of the temple.  I saw them happy and in love.....and so young!!  When I awoke, I felt like I had time traveled.....it was awesome!

My mother was pregnant with me two weeks after the wedding, which means if I was present at their wedding, I knew I would soon be on my way!  33 years ago on a rainy October day, my journey was about to begin!

I am forever grateful for my Mother and Father who, when asked if they would love each other for eternity, didn't hesitate to say YES!