Messy

Am I a messy person? I don't know. It feels like it most of the time.

I don't like that feeling.

When we were young, Amber's side of our room was always so neat and tidy, her bed made to perfection. I recall her disgust with her messy older sister whose clothes were dropped here and draped there and piles of stuff, books, important papers, and sentimental items covered nearly every surface....I guess I can't really blame her.

Clutter is so unhealthy. I'm serious! Studies have been done.......there is proof. I try to clean things up....I try, but I'm not like my mother or my sister. Within the day of a good cleaning, piles are forming and clothes are draped and dropped. I must say, it drives me crazy! It makes me sad. I am so easily distracted by books and blogs, creative ideas, projects, cuddles, kisses, delicious food and good conversation. Chasing messes all day is too much, it distracts me from my distractions.

They say that cleanliness is next to godliness...............*long sigh*...........I want to be next to godliness. I do.

Sometimes I wonder if my outward mess is just evidence of cluttered surfaces on the inside. If that is the case, perhaps I just need to clean off those surfaces and then all of the physical ones will stay clean too.....finally. Perhaps there will then be enough of me to chase messes AND do the things I love.

Prayer, fasting, meditation, study, self reflection, energy clearing, focus, humility and the power of Christ's atonement. It sounds so simple. The solutions do exist. I am lucky, no, blessed to know what I know......it doesn't make it easy though.

Heavenly Father loves messy people, fortunately for me. My beautiful babies love their messy mama, and my Tyler loves his messy Michelle. They give me permission to love my mess......and I guess I do. My mess is glorious. It is mine to sort through and purge......and eventually let go of for good.

Some day I will be completely clean. My heart and my home.

Until then, please forgive my mess.