Flowery & Wise

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am writing a book!  This is huge for me, and scary, and satisfying, and intimidating, and a million other things. 

It has become evident that I am addicted to flowery words.  This is a problem because flowery writing has to be tamed when writing a REAL book.  It might be okay for my own personal journal, or maybe even this little blog, but the printed word, bound and ready for purchase....has to be more grounded.

I am a dreamer!  Just last night I was told that I live with my head in the clouds.  I suppose it is true, but amid all of my "daydreamy-ness", I actually know a thing or two about life.  A thing or two worth sharing, and my hope is that the truth and wisdom I carry in my deepest depths will tame my flowery heart, and what will eventually come out of this work, will be a little piece of me....the perfect blend of rose colored wisdom.

Something Creeps About the House

I remember huddling deep down in my covers while my best friend slept peacefully nearby.  It was a sleepover at her house, and she always had incredible stories of haunting and ghostly sightings that thrilled my senses and tormented my sleep!  I would lay awake forever after her stories, scanning the room for my own unearthly sightings. I have always been intrigued at the thought of spirits walking our halls and visiting us from time to time, but I am not at all excited by scary movies or books and I could most certainly do without anything creepy walking the halls of my home.  Friendly ghosts....sure.  Not so friendly ghosts.....not so much!

A couple of years ago, Emilee started into the "I'm scared of the monster in my closet" phase, but it quickly became evident that whatever was "in the closet", was very real to her, and caused her poor little heart a significant amount of concern and even terror.  We prayed for angels, we dedicated our home, we dedicated her bedroom, we cast out evil, and Tyler even gave her a blessing every night before bed for a period of time....and still the haunting continued.  There were several nights spent in our room in a little make shift bed on the floor.  We worked tirelessly to calm a troubled heart and convince a fearful girl, that she was just fine, and that nothing was going to hurt her.......and then it happened.   

3:00 a.m. my eyes opened wide to the sound of Emilee's bedroom door knob popping.  I rolled to my back and saw the door swing wide open and then quickly shut.  I waited for her pitter patter to hurry across the hall, but nothing.  I waited.....and waited, but no sound.  No movement.  My heart started to beat furiously as I realized it was not my sweet daughter who opened the bedroom door.  My mind trying to convince my own troubled heart that everything was fine...and that nothing was going to hurt me.  I finally woke Tyler up and asked if he would go with me to check on the girls, afraid of what I might find on my own.  We quietly opened their door to find both of them sitting up in their beds wide eyed with fright and confusion!

I asked Emilee if she had opened her door, to which she replied, "No Mommy, but my walls were moving!"  What??!!!!  We gathered both of our babies and brought them to our room for the remainder of the night.

The next day things returned to normal, and night after night remained as before with complaints of fear that gradually faded away.....that is, until this week!!  On Saturday night Emilee refused to go to bed.  Her poor little heart beating fast and her squeaky little voice pleading for a house that isn't so scary!!  " I want a room that isn't so scary Mommy!"  "I know sweetheart, and someday we will have one, but for now we need to be brave, and trust Heavenly Father to take care of us.  When we are afraid we can tell Him and He will send Angels to watch over us and protect us."  

Nothing could convince our poor girl that she would be alright and we endured a long night of fearful emotion!  Tyler eventually ended up sleeping right next to her in her bed for the majority of the night!  Then last night it happened again.  I was having a difficult time sleeping, tossing and turning and feeling uncomfortable when at 1:00 a.m. on the dot, the girl's bedroom door opened up and then quickly closed, only no one came out, no one cried out.....no sound, no other movement.  I laid there awake for a good 20 minutes waiting to hear my girls, but I must have drifted off to sleep, because when Emilee cried out it was nearly 3:30 a.m.  I hurried to her side to offer my love and comfort.  She told me she was scared, and I whispered words of assurance and rubbed her little feet.  She finally gained enough courage to finish the night in her room and I went back to bed around 4:00 a.m.

I've decided that doors opening and closing in the night is not my cup o' tea!  Even if they are friendly ghosts. I prefer peaceful nights filled with sweet dreams and content babies in their cozy little beds. 

I'm trying to be brave and content with where we are, but I must admit I am hoping to live in a "not so scary" house someday myself!

I think I can....

When am I going to get it all together? 

I have been trying for my whole lifetime to make the basic things like, exercise, vitamins, prayer, scripture study, going to bed early and rising early, and keeping a clean home into habits and it feels like as soon as I get one going pretty consistently all of the others fall apart.

I'm not looking for perfection, just consistency.  I want to be able to count on myself to do what I say I am going to do....you know? 

I have a short attention span and a slow body, which is a strange combination, because my mind is busy and bustling with ideas and movement, and yet my body lags behind...way behind.  All of the fire inside only appears to be a tiny smolder when observing my daily accomplishments.

I am inpatient with how slow progression can be.  I want to be my best now!

I know I have plenty of emotional weaknesses in the mix, but today I am feeling fully aware of my physical limitations.  I want to be strong, fit, and energetic.....and yet I don't feel like I have the energy to make it happen.  I guess this is when I hit my knees and then do the best I can.  Somehow the Lord always gives me the strength to do what I don't think I can.

Dream

I am a big believer in finding out what God wants me to make of my life, and then with His help....making it happen.  I've tried to do so for as long as I can remember, however; for most of my life I have lacked the faith and confidence in myself to dream very big. 

We all have a dream.  I have dozens of dreams, and handfuls of things I desire for my life, and I have recently discovered that many of those things God also desires for me.  I have come to the conclusion that my Heavenly Father wants me to use my passion, my story, my experience, and what ever wisdom I have garnered in my nearly 33 years of life to create my own little message to the world.  My desire is to inspire greatness in women....at the very least goodness.  And so I am writing a book.

This book is intended as a gentle reminder to myself, and hopefully every woman who reads it, that you are enough....just as you are!  Sometimes we find ourselves in a panicked and frenzied state of always trying, and never getting to that place of enough.  Or on the other end, we simply give up...no longer trying to be our best.  Either way we are miserable.  The happiest place to be is that place of knowing you are enough, but allowing your hunger and thirst for life, experience and knowledge to propel you forward, always progressing. 

I am excited to share my story and the beauty that I am finally finding in myself, because if there is beauty in me and that beauty is enough....I am certain the same goes for you!

Cinderella Goes to the Ball

A few weeks ago my darling sisters-in-law asked me if I would be willing to help them with decorations for their school dance!  We live in a small speck of a town, with little to no budget for things like this.  The dances are held in the small fire station and making it beautiful is kind of a challenge (a major challenge), but of course I was willing, and on the night of the dance we popped in for a peek at the fun!

I told Emilee that she could wear her Cinderella dress to the dance, but that we were only going to stay for a few minutes.  She didn't care that the time was short, both she and Adeline soaked up the magic, and like any princess at the Ball....they danced the night away.

Our few minutes turned into close to an hour, and I'm sure the high school kids were wondering why a couple of tiny tots were crashing the party.  But before long the clock struck bedtime and the magic faded as two sleeping beauties were escorted home in their royal carriage!

And luckily for us....they slept happily ever after!

Celebrating Mother

I love this print by j. kirk richards.

I decided a couple of years ago, that Mother's day would be a day that I would celebrate no matter who else chooses to honor me on that day!  

I remember being young, making a card, or purchasing a cheaply made gift for my beautiful mother.  My attempts to show my appreciation always seemed inadequate.....and they were.  The sad thing is, my mother always hated Mother's Day.  I don't know all of the reasons, but I think it had something to do with feeling like her children and husband were forced to thank her and finally acknowledge all she does for our family.  I am sure it felt so contrived and somewhat insincere to her. 

I remember a period of time where every year, when asked what she would like for Mother's Day (which we shouldn't need to ask anyway), her answer was always "I'd love just one day with none of my children fighting".  Then she would walk away with a deep sigh.

Motherhood is a tough job.  There is no denying that, but what breaks my heart is when we start to feel so under appreciated, and/or inadequate, that we would rather altogether avoid any mention or celebration of our role as mother.

The first couple years Tyler and I were married I would awake on Mother's Day morning with a buzz of womanly excitement.  I knew I wasn't technically a mother yet, but I was a wife, which put me on the right path.  

I would secretly hope for breakfast in bed.  A heartfelt note......even just a "Happy Mother's Day" would do.......but nothing.  I finally confronted my disappointment and asked my sweet husband, who is always so thoughtful, why he hadn't even wished me a happy Mother's Day.  "Well, you're not my mother.....you're not even a mother at all!"  GASP!  Did my ears really hears such an unromantic response?  Wow!  I was shocked!  Could it be that we don't fully grasp the depth of meaning behind Mother's Day?  I could already feel a small part of the frustration my poor mother must have felt for all those years!  It was then and there that I decided  Mother's day would be a day of self celebration!  I would treat MYSELF like a queen that day!  I would take pause and honor the gift God has given me to create life, beauty, and well-being.  I would  look myself in the eyes and tell myself how valued and appreciated I am!  And I would spend some time alone, on my knees, seeking the validation that only the Lord can give.

I know that over the years, my family will celebrate Mother's Day.  There will be breakfast in bed.  I will come home from church with a pretty pink geranium, and read hand made cards from my babies, and my hope is my children will give me at least one day with no one fighting!  What I'm really hoping for the most though, is that I will always honor my role as mother and give myself the gift of recognizing how truly blessed I am.

I feel so fortunate to have been asked to share some thoughts on motherhood over at Empowering LDS Women, please go check it out!

Happy Mother's Day!

Five Cozy Cottages

I absolutely love a beautiful mansion with vaulted ceilings and high walls filled with great works of art.  I acknowledge the impact of a grand staircase and heavy looming doors with ornate handles.  I appreciate the vastness of a space filled only the finest pieces of furniture and decor, but I have recently concluded that that kind of lifestyle is not for me.  I am a much too cozy person to ever wish for something so grand.  What I do wish for though, is a beautiful cottage home.  Five of them in fact! (What? Excessive?)

If I were blessed with great wealth (which I am in many ways), I wouldn't build a mansion on a hill, I would instead purchase five cozy cottages.

a country cottage

a city cottage

a mountain cottage

a European cottage

and a cottage by the sea

They would all be filled with beautiful things.  Every room warm and lived in.  Lovely linens, inspiring art, color, softness, and surroundings that tell the story of a happy life.

When I was a child, I always loved the image of a fairy tale cottage nestled deep in the woods.  The coziness of a simple and happy life has always appealed to me.

Although five little cottages would give me a place to call home in each of my favorite places, I am completely content with one.  

A worn down desert cottage in a lovely shade of pink is where we currently live.  And I must admit, I have never thought of this place as a dream home, but it is sweet and cozy in its own little way.  Emilee loves the fact that we live in a pink house, and life is always a fairy tale to her.

I think that in all of my dreaming it is good to stop and realize that I AM living my dream.  It is less about where I am, and more about the way I see things.  From now on, everywhere we live will be my dream home, and I will be the creator of my cottage.

*cottage images from here